Just got in from working with Bob's son, cleaning a rental place. Wasn't too bad today. Mayby because of the sun or something, but I did feel a little better. i didn't feel so desperate anyway. Still feel like things are fucked up tho. I hate being around Sheldon's kid in the morning. He's really a little, so, and so. Does the oposite every time of whatever Sheldon tells him. Screams, cries, and has all these silly fits. It reallt gets on my nerves. I try to keep quiet and let Sheldon be the father, but sometimes I just have to step in for some sanity. He listens to me when I step in. I'm not sure if it's the tone of my voice or what, but he listens, and stops his bullshit right away. Sheldon tries using me now to get him to do things. He tells him, "James is going to come after you." I don't like that. Sheldon should just be more firm with him. The kid needs discipline, but Sheldon is too scared or something. Mayby he thinks the childrens aid will get involved again or something. I know he had to go through a lot of shit before with them when he first started looking after the kid. Anyway, I do enjoy the little peace I find when they aren't here. I had to see my Dr today to fill out some forms so I could go to treatment. I had to have some test done today to make sure I don't have anything. I know they'll come back clean. I was never one to use with others, or share anything. I have to go back Sunday so they can check the T. B. test. Sometimes I start questioning wheather I want to go or not. Sometimes I think I'm just going to get away from here. All I know is that I want some peace back in my life. I really question tho if I'll ever get completly sober. Just so much of my life thats been wasted becuse of drinking and drugging. Sometimes when I go to the bar to quiet down everything that's going on inside me, I sometimes see these old guys that just drink and stare ahead and I know there probably just remembering other times in their lives. It scares me a bit, because I don't want to be like that. I haven't been to A.A. in awhile because most times I just get fed up with the talk about drinking, and the old war stories of how they used to be. They talk about their higher power, but outside when their shooting the shit, all you hear is, "Godamn this and that, or Jesus Christ. They use those words as if they use it for saying fuck off. I have a problem with that. I don't like using God's name like that, and I hate when I hear it. Even Sheldon does it here. I've told him about it a few times, but he still does it. I probably should get back into church. At least there I don't hear that. I also know that my anger is keeping me away from God, and I won't find peace that way. I'll try this weekend. I know I need God to straighten out. Big time now.