Had a very good day today. I think I solved the problem with the chef and I. The day was going along well, and all the work was done early, so I asked about taking my lunch early. Made sense. Nothing to do except look busy, lunch wasn't starting for another hour, so I asked the chef if I could. As usual he started with the head games. Trying to say I have the most breaks out of everyone. He knows that most of the time I come back a lot earlier than the rest. Most times I just have a smoke and go back in. He comes in around 6am but by 9 he's been out for about six cigarettes to my one. Anyway, we started arguing about it. I told him there was nothing to do and it would be better for me to take my lunch early. He tried playing games. Told me to get a bucket and wash the walls. I told him he could shove his bucket, and that I wasn't doing it. He tried saying, "Yes you will do it." I told him if he wanted a cleaner than go hire one. Then he told me that if I didn't want to do it to go home. I said, "Alright." Then I asked him for Kyle's number. Kyle is the head manager. He said I couldn't have it, but I said," you better give it to me, because I want to report your harassment and abuse." I could tell he was scared and trying to keep controle. I told him about following me into the wasroom when I used it, talking to other staff members about my addictions, having other staff members report anything I do to him, trying to humiliate me in front of the other staff by telling me to wash the walls... and other stuff that I've put up with. He got real scared and quiet and shut the door so we could talk. I listed everything. He tried comming up with flimsy excuses, but he knew I was right. I kept cool through the whole thing. Didn't swear or anything. I surprised myself at how calm I kept. It was good. By the end he was apologizing and shaking my hand. Actually he shook my hand twice. I knew he was scared and that I had him. So In think that things will be better from now on. Trouble with Joe is he seems to need a kick in the ass about once a month. Things will come to a head, where I usually blow up. He seems to calm down for awhile, but then he starts again. I think that this time might be differant tho. I think he really underestimated, and misjudged me. I don't think he ever thought I would go that far. He forgets that I was a chef too. Probably a lot longer than him. I know all the games. I'm usually quiet, but I can get dirty too if I'm pushed. Anyway, I feel good about it. I think I handled it well. The rest of the day he was so nice to me. Even sending me out for extra cigarette breaks. It took all I could to not bust out laughing. It really was classic. I wanted to tell the others about it, but I knew that would be wrong. I don't want to get into that. I still want to respect him. I do think he is a good person that works hard. He has his problems too. By telling the others I would be bragging, and disrespecting him. Sure it would be fun for a bit, but I find that those kinds of things come back to you in time. If I want him to respect me, then I need to respect him also, no matter what. I still feel bad that berryterry isn't here anymore. She was a nice person that always left messages and advice for me. I try her site, and it's like she's moved, or been kicked out. Funny how these things hurt me. I don't even know her really, just some of what was in her heart. I hope she does well, and finds some way to get back here. I miss her. Wish I Knew what happened. Oh well. Life goes on. Thank you Lord. Amen