Had a bit of a rough start today. Slept in and was late for work. Oh well, shit happens. The chef called early, but I was still half asleep trying to answer it and accidently hung up on him. It went to the message anyway. Good thing I had just enough for a cab. I hate starting the day like that. The cab came so fast, and I was still pulling on my clothes. Got there and as usual he was in a pissy mood, which really doesn't help. Anyway, he had everything on the go, and things got done, but really I have a hard time putting up with his attitude. It's not juswt this time. I can understand being anoyed about someone being late, but there is still something personal behind it. It's his problem, but it does bug me. Yesterday he mentioned something about my drinking in front of other workers. I forget what, or how it came about. All I remember really is him saying something about, "Don't tell me your not drinking." I felt it was really inapropriate. Right from about the first day I was honest about my drinking with him. I told him that I have struggled with it, so I don't know why that came up. I haven't been drinking there or anything. I do my job, and don't drink there. There have been times that I have struggled with everything, depression, pills, drinking, but I have pulled myself out of it, and got back on track, but that has nothing to do with work. I know that if I was getting drunk every night, of course that would probably show in my work, but I haven't been doing that. I think he's just one of these stupid people that just have no knowlegde about these things. It most likely was a mistake thinking that I could be open about things with him. Even with the infection with my hand he made a referance to it, that I know he meant that it was probably from drugs. I think that I'm going to mention it tomorow to him. I feel that it was very inapropriate. Not every little thing that happens to me is because of drugs or drinking, and that kind of shit bothers me. I'm probably overly sensitive about my problems with addictions. I know this, but when it comes to work and how people in management possitions handle it, that's a differant story. They shouldn't be talking about peoples problems openly. Anyway, I'm going to try and just handle it apropriatly. He shouldn't be doing that. Period. Anyway, I've been feeling much better since my medication was increased. That depression really felt like hell. You think your still alright while it's going on, but your  not. What really made me notice that something was definetly wrong was when I payed attention to my thinking. I was thinking so negative about everything, and everyone. Mostly I started dwelling on thoughts about my life being so fucked uo and useless. That was really bad because I started thinking a lot about just ending everything. That was the awful part. I had been on that medication for so long that I had forgotten about how I felt before I was on them. I don't want to go through that again. It was hell. I accept now that I just need medication. My system just doesn't provide me with certain chemicals that I need to feel alright. It's like some people just need certain vitamines for there system to work properly. This medication helps me, and I don't want to fuck with it again. I got the idea from Dillon to try and quit everything, but he didn't know. I don't blame him. I know his intentions were good, but he didn't know either. People in recovery can try to guide you, but you still have to look after yourself. Anyway, it was another learning lesson. I know now not to mess with the medication that I need, and this is one I definetly need. The past few days I've just been relaxing and enjoying my return from hell. I've been playing with Jimmy, and just enjoying the peace of mind I have now. Thank you, Lord.