Well, here I am, back from round two at the hospital. This time was only four hours. God, what a way to spend a day. Wish I could have stayed, but Jimmy's here. When I see the chef this morning, He said should just let the cat worry about himself. Mayby his attitude is right. He doesn't seem to care about anything too much. I just don't have that attitude. I felt like crying a lot today. Might be just me, but almost everyone seems to have people in their lives.. I envy most people because of that. It's hard living with no one really in your life. It's very sad. I often think that my real problem is no love in my life. No one to hug, or tell me that I'm doing good. It really hurts. Only thing now that seems to take that pain away is a hit, or pill, but that doesn't work either. The downfall to that is that you end up just living for that pill. Takes all you got, because addictions grow. I don't know how other people do it, but I don't think I'm going to make it sometimes. It scares me to end up living like a bum. I would rather die than end up like that. I see lots of people like that here. It's dead already. There's a lady that wants to meet me now. I would love to meet someone, but look at the shit I'm in. What the hell can I offer? I know that it might give me hope to have someone, but am I going to let them down? I don't want to do that. What a fucked up life this seems. Just a couple of weeks ago I seemed ready, and willing to meet someone, but now I feel so unsure about everything.. God help.