Having a rough time again. Ended up in the hospital yesterday. I had an infection that I let go too long again, and it got bad.. I had it around Wednesday of last week, but as usual I let it go, hopeping it would take care of itself. It didn't, and yesterday when I went to work it was so painful. My hand was swollen like a football. So the did all kinds of x-rays, and ultra sounds to see how bad it was. They said I came close to loseing my hand. They wanted to keep me, but I need to take care of Jimmy, so they let me go home, but I have to go back twice a day for intraveinous antibiotics. So now I'm off work for a week, at least. Really doesn't make things easier. Seems like all I'm doing is living from pay chque to pay cheque. Work doesn't pay all that much, but I don't really want to live in a room either. Life seems to suck no matter how you cut it. Doesn't seem like I have any real hope at happiness. I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels this way. Sitting in the hospital, I look at all the young people working there. Why did I have to be so stupid and waste my time. They are really just kids mostly, but they stayed in school, and spent their time studying. Not getting high like I did. Thinking that was partying. Boy, do I ever regret the time I wasted, thinking I was such a smart ass. Now I spend most of my time worrying where the money will come from to pay things. Life really seems like it's finished for me. I keep fighting to find something that will give me hope, but don't seem to be finding it. Just getting myself tired, and discouraged. I feel like somee that's gone too far, and there's really not much hope for. Anyway, hope for better days.