Woke up a bit early today so I thought I would write a little. That seems to help me a lot. When i stop writting seems to be when I'm heading in the wrong direction. Still seems like I'm constantly reflecting on things, and where I'm at. I think what I've been having trouble with lately is just accepting that this is where my life is at. It's not that it's all bad, just not how I would like it, but then how could it be? With all the relapses and things that I've done to keep messing it up, but I have to stop beating myself up all the time. I really am my worst enemy at times. I want to look around for some kind of recovery meetings, other than the usual C.A, N.A, or A.A. The church keeps popping into my mind when I think about that. If I could find something like a men's group that is focused on recovery and living, that would be great. I could even talk to Dillon, and see about starting one perhaps. I don't like going to meetings like last night where people talk a lot about the drugs, or drinking they did. Dillon and I have talked about that often. The drugs and drinking are only what I used to medicate the real things I was having trouble dealing with. They really weren't the problem. I find talking about our using just seems to be a waste of time, and doesn't really help. Perhaps in the begining it helps people to accept themselves and get out of denial, but I find that's all it does. What I like to talk about is the problems that I feel i need to medicate in the first place. The more I learn to deal with them, the better off I will be to live sober. Wow! Time really seems to fly when I start writting. Almost time to go to work. Thank God I get payed tomorow. i want to get those bills out of the way before they do something. Frigging Rogers, I don't know how they come up with the stuff like they do. I got their bill the other day. A hundred and seventy dollars. And for what? Just a phone and a computer. I know I owed some before, but I don't know where that total came from. They probably charge you for stopping the service or something. I'm going to have to look at that again. Anyway, off to a good day. Thank you, Lord.