I am just totally stressed out. Got the Rogers done, but now I'm sqrewing around with the T.V. trying to get it to work. Bob let me run a line downstairs, but setting it up is a differant story. I just don't know this new stuff. Have to get to it another time, or get someone that knows what their doing. Got this other kid from C.A. supposed to be moving in. I have to get rid of some of this other clutter. I have a beutiful dinning room table and chairs. I hate to part with it, but just isn't room. Today I was being stupid at work. Joking around with one of the guys, but it was a stupid joke, that if he was to say something I would get shit. Just another thing to add to my worries. Got a few bills pileing up to, but I will be able to take care of them on Wednesday. The weekend seemed like a nitemare. All I did mostly was think about how my life is just not what I want. I keep thinking that it's Kitchener. I've never really liked it. Been trying to see something in it, but don't. I feel like i just want to run and hide. I feel like I'm depressed big time. Mayby it wasn't a good idea stopping the medication. I feel horible. All I'm doing is thinking that my life will never be what I wanted. Dillon says it might just be some syndrome he said. Something about not enough sun and vitamin K or something. All I know is this seems to suck right now. I don't feel happy about anything. I think that not having any family or anyone else is really getting to me. I try to stay up, but it's hard. I just feel like I'm existing for nothing. Life just seems so hard right now. It's so cold out, and I can't go anywhere. I have to go to the meeting tonight. I can't stay here. I'll go crazy. At least when Tim was here, I had someone to talk to. This is just nuts. Oh well. I hope tomorow is a bit better. Going to the Dr's tomorow. I want him to give me something to calm down. I want to see about getting on some antidepressant again. I'm not sure if that was a good idea listening to Dillon on that one. I think I felt much better before. I don't want the Effexor again tho. The withdrawel is too scary for me, but I do think I need something. This is getting way to much for me to handle. All I want to do is drink just to calm down, but then I know where that will go. Anyway, see what tomorow brings. Lord please help me. All I want is some peace of mind.