Damned these computers, sometimes. I was almost finished writting my journal and Firefox crashed. Oh well, here it is again. work went pretty good. Still a little agravating dealing with the chef, but for the most part it went well. After work I got home, and Tim was gone. Yahoo! I thought I was going to miss him before, but I'm not. He is alright in many ways, but still sick. I really do hope that he finds what he needs and can get on with his life. I was singing and dancing about having my place back. Of course he left a coffee cup in the sink soaking. What the hell do you need to soak a coffee cup for. I know it's just his sick mind playing games, and saying, ":Fuck you." Oh well, it's over now. He was supposed to leave the key here, but he didn't, so now I have to change the lock. I bet ten to one that way back in that sick mind of his, he's thinking that as soon as he get's a chance, he's got the keys to a place close by. That ain't happening. Of course he would probably tell me that it's so he can pick up his stuff when he needs it. Yea, right. He does still have most of his clothes and things here. Probably thinking that he's going to store them here. That's not happening either. It's just his addict mind, but I'm too familiar with that. Been there, done that. No, it's time to wish him well, and move on. I do hope that he finds what he needs. He has the capacity to be a really swell guy, but not right now. Four months was enough, for both of us. I really want to just move on. I don't want to come to my home, and having someone elses addiction to deal with. I have enough with my own, and I'm sure that things will be much better. I started cleaning the room right away. I had that room all painted and nice before, but he's got marks all over the walls. I might just paint it again. Who knows what all those marks, and dirt are. I picked up the bed to clean the floor. Porno books still hiden unde4r the matress. Reminded me of when I was a kid. Pretty pathetic if you ask me. A forty three year old living with a freind in the next room, and playing with his drugs and porn. I know it's part of his sickness, but I'm glad it's gone. I threw them out right away. Funny how the thought of just taking a peek came to my mind. I learned when i was studying about Christianity that we need to be careful about what we allow in our minds. Sometimes just that little peak will stay way back there, and later you end up fantasizing about it. I have a hard enough time without adding agravation. I remember when I was young and foolish playing around with porn magazines, and video's. Always made me feel bad, and empty afterwards, because it was only fantasy. Fantasy's always leave you feeling alone, because it just isn't there. I want reality. I've experianced it, and it's good. In the bible it has that verse, "The truth shall set you free, " and it's so true. When I accepted certain truths in my life there was freedom. When I finally was able to admit that I was a verbally abusive husband and father, I remember that all the anger I had tried to let go off for years, suddenly was gone, but that's another story. Anyway, I'm glad I got my place back to myself, and that we both can move on. I talked to Cathy today. She's doing well. I told her I would see her on the weekend. She's a really good person, and I enjoy the time we spend together. I'm really not sure about anything further because she is pretty set in her ways. I know right now, I still want to make a life for myself. I feel like I want to settle down with someone, but not sure about that being in Kitchener. Just doesn't seem like the type of place i want to settle down into. For now it's alright, especially with spring comming, but in the long run...I don't think so. Anyway, not something to worry about now. I still need to keep my focus on recovery, and I am. That talk with Dillon helped get me back on track. I need a good shove sometimes, and I got one. Instead of all that depression I had, I feel very good now. I need to hang onto that. Sobriety is really a beutiful gift that we often take for granted. Anyway, I have to get to bed. 4am comes fast. Lord, thank you so much for getting me out of that black hole that I seemed to have slipped into last week. I pray that you show me the right ways, and help me to stay strong. Thank you so much. Thank you. Amen.