Well, got through today pretty good. The chef's craziness is really something, but actually it's teaching me some things. He came out and was saying I had to count the cheese slices everyday. i busted out laughing and asked him if he wanted me to count the french fries in the bags too. I really feel sorry for him. He has the capacity to be a good person, but he's just nuts. He seems to be a very miserable person. I guess life hasn't been all that good to him. i know about his ex, and the support he has to pay. I know that makes him angry. I really don't want to put him down or make fun of his foolishness, but he makes it hard. Sometimes that old get even thing pops in my mind, but I avoid it. It would be so easy to rip him apart, but it wouldn't be right. Sometimes things like that feel good at the time, but after I know I would feel bad and guilty about it. i'm handling it the best I can, and still being respectful, but it's hard. He's actually teaching me a lot about patience, tollerance, maintaining myself...ext. I'm just very thankful that I don't have his life. It really seems very pathetic. I went to the gym later and had a good workout. I found this other site too for meeting people. This one girl wants to write and corespond. She's deaf, so we can't phone, and I'm having a little trouble with chatting with her. Not used to the site yet. And this other site I found for taking pictures with your web cam, well not sure if she got it. My computer seems to really slow down and makes it hard getting anything done. I got the basic service, but I think it's like Rogers. They seem to offer it to make you think that they are a good deal, but when you get it, it's lousy so you end up upgrading and paying more. Hard finding real honesty in this world. Oh well, I'll call tomorow and get the next one up. Got my pay today, so that's a lot better. Going to really try and save this time. I should be able to. I want to get doing some things like working at getting my licence back. I figure i should be able to save a couple hundred a month. I think that just living from paycheck to paycheck gets me down because I know I need to do things. It's kinda like procastination with me. I want to do things, but never really making the sacrifices needed. I always think, Later, but that just doesn't work. I need to discipline myself with that. It's Tim's last night here. He goes to treatment tomorow. I seen him at the gym, and we got talking. The talk was funny. I get a kick out of human behaviors. He was worried because he'll have to just stay there for the first two weeks. He was kinda going on about it, and saying he didn't know how he'd be. I laughed. Right now is good. The snow will still be here. It's cold out. After two weeks, then Spring will be just weeks away. I told him Hell, you've been doing dope all week, and hardley ventured out of the room. What another week? And there you have to do things, so why he would really wonder about that, I don't know. Funny thing happened when I was trying to take pictures on my Web. I had my glasses on, and I saved it. All my pictures got together some how. I seen some pictures when I was doing pain killers, and not going to the gym. There was a huge differance. I'm not trying to brag, but I look much better now. My face and features seem more defined, and firm. I really liked the way I look now. I wanted to go to the gym right away. I really did like what I saw. Ever since I can remember, I absolutly hated any picture of myself. I always seemed to look like a jerk, or something, but this time I liked it. I know I've had some heavy struggles lately, but I think that all the time trying has helped to keep me fairly well. The gyn has really helped in a lot of ways. I looked at the picture for a bit, and I was amazed at the resemblance of my father. If I was to put a picture of my father beside it, people would swear it was the same person. I knew in some ways we rsembled each other, but not like this. It absolutely blew me away. Growing up, I always felt something funny because I had so many charactoristics of my father, but this was astounding to me. Even tho my stumbles, I still feel like things are still changing, both inside my body, and ouside. Shit, I'm going to cut this short. Getting late. Thank you Lord for another day. Amen.