Today is a lot better. I phoned my freind and told her what was going on. I started crying. The thing with Cathy just seemed to hurt a lot. I seem to be so sensitive about people that come into my life. Loseing them is very difficult for me. I know now that i will get over it. It just seems like something that has to be gone through. Once I get it out by talking, and having a good cry, things start getting better. I guess this is something to do with grieving lose. I think I did good with it, because I do feel better today. I wrote Cathy an E-mail last night, just asking her to still be freinds. I really would like that. Not every day that you meet someone that is all for praying, talking of God, Jesus and the bible. We really did some things that I never imagined would ever happen. It was a real spritual experiance that I have never had before. i learned a lot by this whole thing, and for that I am grateful. I have no bad feelings whatsoever towards her, and I feel very blessed to have had this oportunity. Anyway, life is about moving ahead to our next experiances. There are more things ahead, and I'm looking foreward to them. I have another date tonight with this other lady I met on the same site. Were going to meet for coffee at Tim Horton's in Waterloo. I'm looking foreward to it. This meeting people is really neat. I'm so glad that I took Alex's advice to do it. I think it's opening the door to a big part of life that I have always denied myself to. I always thought of myself as no good, and not worthy of having the simple things in life that others always seemed to enjoy. It's really interesting to meet other people. I'm going to stick to my guns tho about keeping things in a proper perspective. Right now I have no desire to be involved sexually. That to me is something that takes time to develope, and with that I feel that's when I would want a real commitment. On my side, as well as the other persons. I made a mistake with Cathy by allowing that to happen way to fast. I wasn't true to myself, and let my emotions run me. I only wanted to please her, and do what I felt she wanted. It seems that once I allow myself to become involved sexually, there is a high risk of me getting hurt. To me, I find that sex is a very strong act that I take as commitement, and I think the other person does to, but it's not that way. Perhaps it's just the way I think about it. All I know is that when I do allow this to happen, for me it is a way of giving myself completly to the other person. Just having sex for fun really has no meaning to me. I know lots of people think it's great, and have no problem with it, but for myself it's something special, and I dont take it lightly. That's just me. Anyway, why the hell am I sitting here writting about how I feel about sex. I'm going to have a good time, and meet another person. It's another oportunity that God is giving me. I can learn from the past, and it's going to be that much better. I'm sure there's going to be more to learn, but I'm up to it. Anyway, I got talking with Tim today after work. Actually he's trying to get into this treatment place here, which surprised me. He's talked of it before, but I thought it was just talk. I'm glad that he's doing it. Mayby he'll find what he needs. I hope so. He is a really good person. It's the addiction that I don't like. I'm glad that we talked tho. It's been a little tense the past couple of day's because of his charactor changes. At least now I feel willing to give him a break, as long as he's trying. Anyway, I have to get a bath, and get myself smelling pretty. I like doing that. When I smell good, and I'm clean and looking good, I feel good. Don't have much money, but that shouldn't be a problem. Were just having coffee. Lord, I thank you so much for helping me to get through this stuff. Thank you for the new people that you bless my life with, and the others you've brought into my life here that care for me. Thank you so much. Amen.