I had a very good weekend. Went to the reservation by Caledonia. It wasn't what I imagined. I thought I would see log cabins or something like that, but it was just a regular place. Cathy borowed her sisters car to go, and she knew the way so we had no problems. We had a very good weekend together. Did some things that were just right out of the norm for me. She beleives in God, Jesus and the bible, the same as I do, and she's interested in learning and growing with the Lord, as I am. So we got reading some articles in the magazine I get from Keneth Copeland Ministries. The article was on faith. Cathy has recently been told that this black spot on her leg is cancer, so we found the article really interesting as it dealt with faith and refered to healing with cancer and other kinds of sickness. I read the article to her, and it really was an experience like I never had before. To be spending a weekend with someone discussing God, and learning his ways is something I have never done before, but it was great. I felt so comfortable talking about God. Usually I have trouble having discussions concerning God, because a lot of people really don't want to discuss that topic, but we had a really good time. Later we started doing a bible study. One I had started long ago, but aborted. It was fun. It had questions that we answered, and gave our views on. It was really great. We prayed together a few times about differant things, something I have not been doing for awhile. I found it really made a big differance being with another that beleives in Jesus. I felt so completly at ease about it. It felt so natural, and right to do, like I never experienced before. I really feel God directing my life towards him. It's kinda weird, because I never felt that I was worthy of being a Christian. Even that word kinda bothers me. I do want to follow God, and I beleive in Jesus. I did make a decision to give myself to God when I realized that my addictions were really trying to kill me. It seemed like a good trade. Trade a life of misery for God's peace, joy and happiness, as well as living eternally with God. Yea, it's a good trade, and I'm willing to do whatever God wants. I've had enough of trying to live my way. It seems to have always led to the same things. Since doing that, I've noticed a lot of things are getting better. I find I'm trying more to do whats right, although I still make mistakes, but I'm trying. My days seem to go a lot better. I look foreward to the day, and the things that God wants to show me. It's like I just go through the day normally, trying to do things right. I don't worry as much as I used to, and I'm looking at the problems that come as oportunities to grow. I actually find myself welcoming them, because I know there's things to learn from them. I know in the end, I'm going to be a little better. I still get scared at times, but it doesn't overcome me. I know God is with me, and he says he won't leave. That I find is very comforting, but it does take faith. Sometimes I have to keep telling myself not to worry, and just do what needs to be done. even just doing things that before I found iritating, I find I am just doing the, and enjoying myself. After going to the reservation yesterday we came over to my place to check on the computer and see what the guy from Bell did. Tim wasn't expecting me back. He was in his room, and I noticed him jump a bit when he seen me. He was trying to hide something in his suit case, and pretending he was doing something. He wasn't making eye contact, and I knew he had been doing something that he knew he shouldn't. I didn't say anything and just went about my bussiness. It did make me mad tho because in the days before he was talking of staying clean, and had even gone to a few meetings. We had some discusions, and I thought he was trying. He didn't have money the, because he was waiting for his cheque, but he got that Friday before I went to Cathy's. So I guess he figured he had the place to himself for the weekend, and decided to get high. Makes me mad because it's like the first oportunity he got, he decided to use. I understand it tho. I've done the same. I suppose the things he said when we talked, that he did mean them, but it just shows the cunning, baffling part of addiction. It makes you lie, you try to con people as well as yourself, and you can't be trusted. Through these things I can see how I affected other people. What I'm feeling is what they felt about me. I thought about getting mad and telling him off, but I decided not to do that. I really don't think that it would do any good. He living with addiction, and he's beleiving, and listening to it's lies. It's really not Tim I dislike, it's the addiction, and I can't do anything about that. It's totally up to him. I'm not going to get caught up in his shit, unless it really gets out of hand. He knows he's not supposed to use here, and that I don't want it in my house. If I mention it, he'll only lie. He knows he can't fool me, or lie about these types of things. I've been around too much. I can spot these things a mile away, but he tries. He'll be moving out soon, so I think I'll just leave it alone. Sometimes I find that's the best thing. These things always have a way of comming to light on there own. It's kind of interesting just to watch the results later when you let it take it's own course. I'm even more interested to see how things go when he moves. He said he's moving in with freinds, so I suppose they use too. He's had it very good here. He's seen my struggles, and he sees the changes since I stopped using. He sees that things are going very well now for me, but like I say, he's still listening to the voices of addiction. So that will be interesting to see. I'm looking foreward to the chalenges of being on my own too. I'm ready to accept the responsibilities of taking care of my own bills, rent and all that being responsible entails. It's the first time really in my life that I've been this far. I have a freind that's helped me a lot this far, but I'm starting to take on what I should be doing. I'm getting the bills in my own name. That's a big step for me. A little scary, but I know God is with me, and everything will be as it should. It sure won't be as bad as before. I am finding that my life is becoming more mangeable That's a true blessing. I'm a little concerned about my freind tho. She seems differant, or mad about something. I'm not sure what. I didn't do anything to make her mad. I've tried to help all I could, and respect her, but somethings wrong. I know she's had a rough time lately with the loss of her freind. Perhaps that has something to do with it. I don't know. I do hope things go well for her tho, but I just feel I should leave things alone there. Anyway, tomorows another day, and I'm looking foreward to what God has in store for me, and the things he wants to teach me. I thank you so much, Lord for all your doing. I pray that you be with us all. Love us, teach us and show us your ways. Thank you. Amen.