Well, things are going well. The chef is still a little funny. Sometimes I notice him trying to be sneaky and keeping an eye on me and what I'm doing, but that's alright. I'm only doing my work, so I guess it's just his own thing. I suppose when people know that you had drug, or alcohol problems, it's kinda normal that they can be suspicious. Things like that used to bother me, because I wanted to be accepted, but I understand that other people, even the so called normal ones, have problems too. After all, who the heck does trust alcoholics or drug addicts? I sure don't. At least I'm not doing things that would get me into trouble. In my right mind, I don't like to do all the stuff I did when I was using. I don't like lieing, stealing and all the other crap I did, which just seemed necessary at the time. It's so nice to be out of that. When I was doing it, I hated myself for what I was doing. I didn't want to do it, but it just seemed I had no choice. Today I have a choice. I can choose to do anything I want. That's a lot of freedom, and I like that. I haven't been bothered with any urges to drink or use. That was taken away quickly this time. I just don't want to do it. There's nothing in it for me anymore, if there ever really was. Of course I get the odd thought, but it's just a fleeting thought that just passes through my mind at times. Nothing desirable, just some of that old thinking passing by. I love the things that I'm doing now. It feels good to be alive. I don't talk to Dillon much. He was helpful in those first few days, but his focus is on his bussiness. We did a lot of talking for the first while, but I often caught him contradicting himself. Often the talks would end up with him justifying the center that he runs. It's called the Sobriety Center, but really hasn't much to do with helping people recover or get sober. I worked there for awhile and tried getting some things happening there to do with recovery, but I never got any help or support with it. I got tonnes of talk, saying, "Yes, well do this, well do that." But nothing ever happened. I tried so hard to look for anything that would give me any indication that Dillon was really concerned with helping people get, or stay sober. All the months I was there, all I really ever saw as the canvessors going out, or comming in. That's all it was. Whenever I talk to Dillon and seems to always get talking about how he does so much, and helps people, like I said, he try's justifying that it is for recovery. If it really was, there would be no need to justify it. What you do would speak for itself. I don't want to say it's a scam, and that he uses it to make money, but I can't be involved with something that I don't beleive is doing the right thing. Dillon helped me, and that's good. He told me when he seen how bad shape I was in that I was going to die. I needed that, and it did get me pointed in the right direction, but I need somebody that is honest and goes in one direction. I find it hard listening to someone that's contradictive. I find that gets me trying to figure out them rather than taking what they say and working with that. I still keep in touch, but on a casual basis. I have other people that I talk to who really care about me, so I'm alright that way. And now I have Cathy. She's a great gal so far. I really get along good with her, and we can talk about anything. I never told her that I was on probation, but that came about yesterday. I was going to wait for another time so that we could get to know each other better, but it came up yesterday. I had my apointment with probation, and after I was talking to her. She asked what I had done that day, and I said I went to an apointment. She asked what it was, and hessetently I told her. I didn't want to lie about it, so when she asked I just told her. She asked how long it was, and what I had done. I really didn't want to tell her, but if were going to see each other I felt she needed to know the truth. I told her that it was when I was messed up, and just got doing stupid things. She was alright with it, and said that she's happy with the person she met. She seemed to understand that sometimes things happen when your using. She said she knows that I'm not that same person. I was happy about the whole thing. I do want to be honest, and I want her to know me for who I am now, not what I was. The past is the past. I can't change it. I can only make the changes that are necessary as they arise each day, and I'm doing that. Thank God for that. Amen