Thank God that I found this new way of dealing with my thoughts and inner talk because I would really be in a mess. It's been a real blessing since learning of it, but it can still be ... I can't say hard, because it really is so darned easy, but lets just say that I'm getting some oportunities to put it to practise lately, and it is helping emensly. I'm getting low on money, and that's something that usually causes a lot of fear where I start worrying and thinking of the worst, but I'm able to fight that fear now. I think of it, but I find I still have the ability to keep the right part of my mind. They call it the manager part that you decide to let be the one in charge. It's that sensible, reasonable part of us that is always there, but in the past I used to let it get drowned out by all the negative fears, and other thoughts and stuff, that I unknowingly let have controle. With having the manager be the one in charge, I have the ability to choose the right things no matter what. I still have those other thoughts and stuff, but I know the one to listen to. I must sound like a lunatic, but all I know is that it's so simple, and it works. The fears try to come up, and I can still pay attention to them, and listen to what they have to say, but then I can dismiss them because I know they are the ones that will lead me astray. I can choose to listen to that sensible one that wants good for me. Anyway, I recognized the fear, and noticed that it was what I used to let take over. I decided that it was foolish self talk that used to cause me harm. I can even laugh at times when I see the tricks it try's to play on me to get me to follow it, because it's not in charge now. I think about whats really going on. I'm low on money for a few days, but the reality is I'm alright. I have everything I need, as well as the ability to still choose to have fun, which I am going to do. I also had a thing at work yesterday, with the chef. I was almost finished for the day, and was finishing some stuff. The chef kept comming up behind me saying, "Punch out." He was following me, and kept repeating it. I went to the clock and saw it was 1:43, so I wasn't going to punch out with two minutes left because I wouldn't get payed for the quarter hour, but he kept trying to rush me to punch out. I went to the dishroom to try and kill the two minutes, and when I came out the chef was pretending to do something outside the door, but he was folowing me. I thought, what the hell is this, but I kept quiet and punched out. Of course after I left I kept thinking about it, and got angier the more I thought. Then i started analyzing it, and my mind started comming up with stuff, and by the morning I was ready to tell him off. By this time my mind had created lots of stuff. I went to work, and politly had a gentle argument over something else unrelated. I didn't get mad, at least didn't show it. He was telling me that I wasn't allowed to go outside the building on my lunch or breaks. He said it was a rule. I told him to show me the rule, and I'll gladly go by it. I'm not in jail. My breaks are my time, and I can go where I want. He was wrong about this, but I did argue. I did finally stand up to him. I didn't care anymore about the consequences, because things seemed to be at the point that it just didn't matter anymore. He was creating things that didn't exist, and it just wasn't right. No one can work that way, where someone is making up their own things as they go. He once told me I couldn't steam rice in the steamer. He was saying it as he was the chef, and what he said was final. I just told him that I was glad that he finally told me that it couldn't be done, because I had been doing it for the past thirty years. Glad someone finally told me. One day he even told me that bleach wasn't a disinfectant. I could have really went to town on that one, but I just kept quiet, and rolled over for him. I still gave him 100% respect, and didn't fight it. I don't want to fight him. I'm not there to challenge him. I'm there to work with him, but he seems to really be insecure or something. It's like he has this kinda inner competition with me, where he feels he needs to prove that I don't know anything, and he does. It's iritating at times, but it's his thing. I know what I know, and I'm alright with that. Why get into silly stuff with him, trying to defend what I am and know. I know I was a chef, and I know how to cook. It's a weird thing, it really is. I know it's his insecurities and ego that I'm dealing with. I'm so happy to have learned about that. I was once like him. I was the only one that knew how to cook. What an asshole I must have been to. Anyway, I got way off track. I'm going to the gym, and going to have some fun. Thank you God, for everything. This is good, ha...ha!