I had a very good weekend, although I was tired, but I still enjoyed it. I have to work a bit harder with keeping my sleep on track. It started with last weekend staying at Cathy's and it just seemed to go on all week. Yesterday I slept until 1:30 in the afternoon. That's totally not right for me. I'm usually up at least by 8.am on the weekends. Friday night I stayed up until about 1:30 am. I was cleaning the apartment because Cathy was comming over Saturday. I got a lot of those small things done that I've been wanting to do for so long. I find that when I sleep in like that, it really throws me off. It seemed like I was spending the rest of the day just trying to catch up, and before you know it, the days gone. I don't like that at all. Gets my emotions buggered up as well, because all I feel is some type of disapointment. I find it so much better when I'm up early and have the time to gather my thoughts and do the little things I need to do, without rushing. Anyway, the weekend was somewhat productive, but now I'm getting myself organized for this week. I noticed over the weekend my mind was trying pretty hard to make me feel guilty, but I've been fighting it well. Mostly stupid little things, that I think is just not being perfect about everything. I never actually payed attention to those thoughts before, but I am now. I didn't go to the gym everyday, or just do a lot of what I told myself I would do, and my mind seems to take those little oportunities to say, " See you can't do it. Your only fooling yourself." When I'm tired I notice that those thoughts seem to thrive on the little bit of weakness. At least I know how to counter it now. I can have those thoughts, but they don't overcome me the way it used to. I know that they are the foolish thoughts that want to see me fall, or give me an excuse to drink or get high, but I have the ability to deal with them and not give them any controle over me. What a real blessing that is. I really feel like I have made a major breakthrough since reading that book on my inner thoughts. It's such a simple thing, but I think that it's really what I needed to learn. It's helped me so much. It's really unbeleivable. I feel so much more happy, and at peace with everything. I really like my job now. I like working with the chef, and I even get enjoyment of his differances, and learning how to accept the things that were bothering me with him. It's growing, and learning to accept, and deal with things that used to baffle me. I love it. Growing, and facing those things that used to send me out, is such a blessing. I feel like those chains of bondage that kept me from enjoying life or anything, have been takin away. It's really incredible. I feel very good, but it's not a pink cloud. I don't feel overly high, or on some magical God thing... I just feel good about life. So many years I was so controled by this stuff, but now I feel like a huge burden has been lifted from me. Yahoooooo! I can live. Alright, back to now. I spent the day with Cathy. We didn't plan anything, so most of the day was spent saying, " So, what do you want to do?" I find that gets a little anoying, because we both just don't know what to do. I need to plan things from now on. Funny because I remember always being one that felt you never needed to plan anything. Just go and let whatever happen, but I think that causes some stress for both of us, so from now on were going to plan ahead. I missed going to the market on Saturday, so I need to go and find some vegetables and fruit today for my drinks. I'm getting into a lot of differant vitamines and stuff that's good for when I work out. I want to stay with that. It really does help me to feel much better. Everything is really going great, just need to keep my sleep regular. Cathy and I didn't do to much. We went to Fairview mall and just puttered around. We looked at the fish there. I'm going to try getting some fish again. I have a big aquarium, but it's been empty because I'm a little hesitant about fish. In the paswt I had some really beutiful ones, but thet died eventually. With G we got a fish that was really beutiful, but he died for some reason I don't know. I like having fish. I find it very calming just to watch them. I'll get some, but I think I'm just going to stick with something simple. Like gold fish. I love the other ones. They can be so beutiful, but I think I'm going to just start out with simple ones, and see how that goes. Not sure what Tim has been up to this weekend. Everything seemed fine when I got home. He was cleaning his room, and had all the chairs and stuff out. At first I thought he must be moving. I think that it's the first time he really cleaned his room. I thought I could smell something a little differant, but I wasn't sure. It wasn't anything that concerned me anyway. I did talk to him the other night, and I expressed all of how I felt, so he knows exacly where I stand with everything. I felt better after getting that out. Keeping it in only gets me feeling bad, and I just needed to express myself. Often I find that helps a lot. Keeping things in only seems to fester and grow until I have such a huge thing built up, and then I just don't feel good. I find that just letting people know how I feel, keeps me on track. I don't always need fixes or solutions, but I do need to express outwardly how I'm feeling, or about what's bothring me. Kinda like keeping house, or tideing up things. Letting those little things build up can eventually create a mountain of shit if I don't deal with them. Anyway, got some stuff to do. Lord, I thank you for everything that you do. I thank you for all the people that you place in my life, but mostly I thank you for being God, and allowing me to be with you. Thank you so much. Amen.