Oh boy, what a headspace I let myself get into yesterday. I woke up feeling a lot better. They sure are right about H.A.L.T. Anyway, I decided not to say anything. When I seen the chef come in he was smilling so nice. I didn't have the heart to say what I had planned. If I did, I know that it really wouldv have hurt him. Although he tries to wear this tough chef image facade, I know that inside he's a pussey, like me. He really is a nice guy, but just has a bad habit of saying the wrong things without thinking. I really don't think he means, or intends to hurt me like I thought. I think that I'm still just very sensitive about not being able to exert my abilities in the capacity of a chef. It can make me feel sometimes like a failure. I know that I'm not. I'm still a chef no matter what. I have my diploma on the wall here, and no one can take that away. Perhaps I'm angry that my addictions messed up so much, but on the other side of the coin, it's brought me to be able to be the person I always wanted to be, or I should say was but wasn't able to live it because of addiction. Today I'm able to be loving, I know also that I'm loved, and not only by God. Actually I felt compassion for the chef today. I know that he has pain in his life, and perhaps the words he uses are part of his way of hiding, and trying to not let others see. When he came in this morning and I seen him smilling, and trying to be nice, I just didn't have the heart to say what I had planned. I kinda know him. Although he would have tried to act tough, I know he doesn't mean to say hurtful things. If I had blown up, like I used to, I know he would have been hurt by it. I just couldn't do that. I don't want to hurt people anymore. There's enough hurt in life on it's own without me causing more. I would have really felt bad. There's a lot for me to learn through this. At break time I thought about it. Yesterday is gone, and we can't change that. I can do things today, but I want them to be for good. I'm very happy that I kept my mouth shut. I really am. If I had acted that way, it would have been that old person that used to run me, the one that kept me using and drinking. Perhaps I'de be drinking now, but I'm not, so it's a good thing. Change involves doing things differantly, and I'm sure doing that. I'm very happy now. I can lay my head down tonight, and know that today I was being a loving person, and letting the spirit of God diect me. What a wonderful thing. Anyway, I have to do some stuff. Thank you som much Lord for guiding me to do the right things today. Thank you for helping me to face those old fears. With eack step foreward, I experience a little more freedom, peace, and joy. Thank you. Amen.