Yestersday was very interesting. I went to Cathy's like planned. I went to the supermarket and bought her flowers. I bought some other things. We rented a C.D from from Rogers, starin Al Paccino, and Dinaro. With those two you can't go wrong. We had top sirloin steak, mashed potatoes, brocolli, and Jello parfait for after. We both enjoyed it very much. Afterwords, she brought out a CRIB game to play. I hadn't played that for years, but it was nothing to freshen up on. I had a real good time. The time seemed to fly by. Before we knew it, it was after 9PM. She had this other game fior the T.V. I didn't undertand it a whole lot, but she said I was doing well with it. It was fun anyway. About the first time I played with that. I bough some straweberry's a banans to snack on. She had some chocolait sauce for it, so we heated that up. I really liked the bananas with choclaite. I often made that  over the years, but never tried it. It was really good. So after that I sat thinking about things, and looking at her. She had made a couple of jokes about necking or something. I decided to get brave, so I asked her if we could kiss. She said it was alright, so we did that. I really enjoyed it. Felt reall good. After we cuddled up on the couch, and klissed.  I wasn't too nervouse. I was paying attention to my thoughts and stuff. I found it more dificult, but was able to do it. I felt very peacefull. I had already decided when I first calle called Cathy that I would give any posibily my best. So far it's working well. It started getting late and we got talking about diferat things. Mostly about what we wanted out of this. Instead of going home, I suggested that it would be nicer if I  stayed there the night. We were talking of going to church, and her comming over to see my place, so I figured it would be esier for her. I was planning on sleeping on the couch, but she invited me in her room. we discussed things first, and she asked if I was alright about keeping what we had discussed about the sex part. we both want to take it easy there. I said i was alright. We cuddled a bit, but kept good. It was hard tho. I guess guys have a harder time getting excited very easily. I sure was. When I first went to bed i had already decided that I wasn't going to fool around. I wanted to just be with her, and keep good, but I was aroused. I kept my word tho to myself. We both had a hard time getting sleep. Around 3am she decided that she needed to sleep on the couch because she just couldn't wind down. I didn't have my madication with me, so I got no sleep at all. It wasn't bad tho. I remembed long ago hearing that when you can't sleep, just try to lay there and rest anyway. The body will still get the rest it needs. You may still be tired, but getting pissed off, and trying to force sleep only makes you twice as tired. I enjoyed being there tho. Felt good to have someone next to me, and I was kinda proud that I was able to keep good. I think if we were to have sex it would have been good at the time, but I look back on the past, and most times when I rushed things in that way, I wouldn't feel right or good after. I think that's because the careing, and love didn't have the time it needs to develope. Sex without an honest, careing, and sincerity about it is just that. Sex! When you really love someone, that's making love. There's a big differance. Anyway, we both realize that me staying over, especially with no planning and not having my medication, was not a good idea. We talked after about everything. It's alright to stay, but it should be planned in advance better. We had a good time anyway, and we got to know each other more. I told her that I was interested in haveing a relationship with her. I like everything I have seen and heard so far. She is a good person that is trying to live properly. I feel comfortable with her. We can laugh and be honest about thi9ngs. I try to let her know some about my past, but I don't want that to be the focus. I'm not proud of everything in it, and I just feel that mosf that stuff should be kept asiide, and dealt with as needed in my recovery things. Anyway, I need to get to bed early so I can catch up on sleep. I am also a lttle sad now, but releived that the worst is done concerning my freind, and Lucy. She was old, so it's part of life. We will all go through it at some point. She's handling it the best I think she can. Mayby not how others like to preach we should, but were not in her shoes, and we can't even know what or how she really feels. We can sympathize, and try to imagine, but you never know. I'm hoping that she knows that God is still there, and things will be alright. So easy to forget that, and God when we have crises going on. I'm sure she will be alright with time. Just wish I were there just to hold her. She will be in my prayers and thoughts tonight, as with most nights. Thank you, Lord for everything, and for being there when we forget you. Take good care of Lucy, and my freind. I look foreward to that day when we all will be together, peacefully with you. Amen.