Today went good. I kept my word to myself that I would apologize to the chef. It really wasn't a big deal, and I didn't make a lot out of it. I just told him that I owed him an apology for yesterday, when I went beyond what I was supposed to do. He just said it was alright, and there was no more. I'm happy about it. I realized yesterday that that thinking that was getting me anoyed, and wanting to kinda teach him, or tell him why I should have done what I did, well that's my old thinking. The one that try's to lead me in some way back to drinking or getting high. I think that by doing the oposite I avoided that. It's really great having the ability now to notice those wrong thoughts, and voices. Sometimes I laugh at what they want, or at times try to get me to do. It's really neat now that I'm learning this. It's really helping tremendously. I was getting some thoughts today about perhaps having a beer. It's a thought that tries to tell me that it's alright, and it's O.K. to have only a couple on the weekend. I think that that voice gets in there because I'm a little sore, and probably a little run down from the week. I've been working out every night, and going to meetings. I feel alright, but it is a bit strenuous on the body. I know drinking would be absolutely foolish, so I pass that thought of as nonsense. "Have a beer, you deserve it, have a pill, just one won't hurt." Those are the thoughts that have been yapping at me a bit, but I look at all I'm doing. I drink those nutritios shakes everyday, and the thought of putting something in me that would take away the goodness I've started is just nuts. Even at times when I think of a coffee, I would rather put something good in me. I want to be healthy. Having no strength, or energy while I was taking pills was awful. I couldn't function. That was an awful experience that I don't want to go through again. I've gone through lots of differant addictions, but that stuff is heroin. Getting sick, and puking my head off was no fun at all. I have some sensibility about me now. I like that. I'm learning and growing, mostly for the first time learning about what really kept me going back out. I have something that I can stand up to those old thoughts now. That's truly a blessing. So far, they can't beat me up no more. I've never know how to stand up to them, but I'm learning now. I'm also learning now about decention from thoughts and emotions. It's amazing to me. A whole new experiance. I tried it a bit yesterday, because I was getting sad about a few things. My mind started saying to me, "What's the use anyway. Your still feeling pain no matter what. At least a drink would take it away just for a bit. Don't have to get drunk, just a couple." Yea, right. And then somewhere down the line I'm in the same shit, and thinking about suicide as the only answer. I can have real feelings and go through pain, but I can also decide to put it away until, and if I can do anything about it. It doesn't have to have controle over me. That's a good thing. Anyway, I need to get ready for my meeting tonight. Celebrate Recovery. Hear some worship music. See my other freinds in recovery, and praise God. I'll be tired tomorow, but it's alright. I have the weekend to relaxe. Going out with Cathy somewhere. Not sure yet what were doing, but I'm not working out on the weekend. That's my time to do whatever I want. Thank you, Lord. Thank you.