Wow! did I ever enjoy the meeting tonight. Usually I would focuse on the negative thoughts I would develope about everything, and by the time the readings were read and it came time for the smoke brake, I would bolt and male my escape. About last week I decided that I need to focuse more on my own recovery, and think more about what I can contribute. Not just wheather I feel anyone is good enough to give me what I need. God is doing that, but actually I'm finding that I am getting things from the people that I thought were just jerks. I'm starting to feel a sense of being the same, and seeing them as just other people that are trying to find a way too. I find myself being happy to be there, and interested in what they have to say, and wheather or not I might have something that might help them. It's something differant, but I'm liking it. I see it as a good thing, that's supposed to be. I did what I said I would do last week. I bought another cake and took it there. I do it quietly, and not for a reward, but they know I bring it. I feel good doing that. At times I hear this old voice in my head. It says, "That thing cost quit a bit. They don't care. You should do it for some place that really cares. " But what that voice is actually doing is trying to get me to do what it says so I can have a greater reward or something. It's one of those inner voices that wants to discurage me from doing what's right. I know my originale voice was the voice I need to listen to. God wanted me to start doing this again, not for a reward or praise, but to feel that sense of giving again. I am amazed at the change I am really feeling these past days since reading about my inner thoughts. I know the voice that's right, always have, but got discouraged by the other voices that I thought I had to listen to. The ones I beleived were right. I really feel like a heavy weight has been lifted from me. It's really good, but there's a little caution there because I know I've fooled myself often, but I don't think that's happening this time. It's a little dificult to explain, but I'm so happy. I feel like I've finally broken through something that has held me back for so long. I have this sense that I'm going to be alright. It all seems to have come about when I truly decided that I wanted God, and to follow him for real. Anyway, I'm going with it. It's sure better than all that misery I felt when I was living my way. I'm really happy, and I don't have any wants. If God decides that I should have something, I want that. In the meantime I want to follow him, and live his ways. I need help with that in some areas, but I know he's providing for me. I'm not walking away no more. That was an awful experience that I don't ever want to go threw again. Thank you so much Lord.