I felt really good tonight. After work I got my hair cut, and tonight i washed up before I went to a meeting. I feel so good when i'm nice and clean, and looking good. I got some hugs tonight too when I got there. Must be the hair cut. i bought a cake on the way to let the people have it. That felt good too. I used to always bring things to eat at meetings in Milton. I like doing that. At least once a week I'm going to do that as money allows. I know I complain how the meetings are, but it's also about what I can bring too. After I got there I had the same feelings that it wasn't good to be there. They have this young guy that chairs the meetings. He lays his head on the table while waiting for the time, and when he reads it's like he doesn't give a shit. That bothers me, but I know it's my thing. I don't know him, or what's going on so I shouldn't judge. I felt like leaving at the break, like usual, but I didn't. This guy I got talking to, and we had a pretty good little talk about God and things. He was a nice guy. I told him about Celebrate Recovery. He said he heard of it and has been meaning to go. Mayby this is a purpose God has for me?????? Anyway, when our group asked for things to discuss, right away I said, "Thoughts on God." I wanted to hear others views on God. It was a good topic that I enjoyed very much. I was able to share a lot about it. I realized to that it's my addictions that have led me to God. Out of evil comes good, for the glory of God. There's a verse like that, not those words, but I remember it. I realized so well now why people I used to hear say they were grateful alcoholics. I used to wonder why you would ever be grateful. I look at all the good things that have come to me because of addiction. It's many, so yea, I'm grateful. I really am. I got to tell how my journey and search was for God, and the amount of work it took. I also told of how I turned away thinking it was alright, and how that ended. The meeting was good. It's not about what I can get all the time out of it. I need to put in too. So I guess the moral is that instead of looking at how wrong things are, look at what I can do to make it better. Tim has been using today, and tonight. He wasn't home when I got here, but earlier he was hiding in his room again. I checked his room and seen his pipe. It is disturbing me, and affecting me, and I've decided it's going to stop. He came in while I was typing this. I don't even want to talk to him. There's nothing there. It's not the person I hate. I hate addiction and what it does. If he wants to live with addiction, then he's got to go. He's payed up to the twenty third. I haven't told him yet, but that's it. I don't need his money, and I'm not taking it. Mayby I'm wrong doing it this way, but I don't beleive in being soft. I had my share of tough love, and I know I needed it. Yea, it sucks at the time, but mayby when he's on the street with his using buddies, he'll realize what he fucked up. Might bring change, but I'm not concerned about that. I'm more concerned with my own peice of mind. Anything that interferes with that has got to go. I want peace.