What a jerk I am sometimes. All that shit I read into yesterday was just my head playing with me. I woke up about 130 in the morning and couldn't sleep. I was still angry. By 230 I made a pot of coffee, and figured I might as well prepare myself. All the way to work I was thinking how to tell this guy off. When I got there I got my work done so fast, because I do that when I'm mad. Then the chef came in. I was just going to say, "Go fuck yourself, " instead of good morning. Some sense came to me, and I decided against that. He asked why my stuff was done so fast, and I told him that's what happens when I get pissed. Anyway, I decuided to talk to him during our smoke brake. I layed it all out, but I was wrong. Nothing was the way I thought. I ended up apologizing. I told him before about my problem with quiting drinking, so I just told him also that somtimes my mind tells me things that really aren't what's going on. I feel like a jerk, but he was alright about it. Actually he said he really likes me and my work. This is really a hard thing with me. I spent so many years thinking I knew everything, but in actuality, most of the time, things just aren't the way I think. This is really a hard thingf to deal with. I talked with Dillon about it. He said that's why he told me never listen to your first thoughts. Friggin hard to do when your sure it's right. Oh well, it turned out allright. I didn't get mad and say what I planed or anything. I hope this gets better. It really is very hard, and a bit scary. I don't want to get mad or think people are doing things, when their not. Mayby in time. Anyway, it's new years night, but I'm going to bed. Good night. Thank you Lord.