Well, it was back to work today. That went well, and it was good to get back into things. I'm feeling kinda out of wack lately. Confused about some things, and just feeling unsure of everything. Feeling like I'm getting older, and feeling like a lot of things have passed me by. I don't like being single, but lately I'm getting the feeling that that's the way it seems to be going. At work I have this feeling all the time of being less than others. I assume it's because of the life I've lived, and the things I've done. Feel a lot of guilt and shame about myself. I know it's only feelings, and I shouldn't live by them, but it's hard not to. I went by this church on Sunday that's close to here, I'de like to try going to it. Even that I feel less than right now. Mayby what I'm feeling is the aftermath of Christmas. It really was a hard time for me. Trying to deal with memories from the past was very hard. I think of my children, and wonder what their doing, or even what they look like now. That plays on me a lot. You here some people talk as if your a deadbeat father or something because you haven't seen them for so long, but what can you do when the mother just won't let anything happen. I tried all the ways I could to have contact, but the truth seems to be that you have rights only when you have the money to pay for them. anyway, I guess they call that whining. Then you get some that say you have to let it go. Ha, try going through it. It's like a wound that never heals, and even writting this is just opening it again, so I'm going to stop for now. Lord, I'm sorry that I'm glad your birthdays over. I know we shouldn't think like that, but I do right now. Please show me your ways to deal with these things. Thank you.