Today has gone better. Head still hurts a bit, but it's allright. Went to the noon meeting, and got two phone numbers of good people. One I asked to be my sponsor in the program. It was a good meeting, and I enjoyed it. We talked about slips. There was a lot of good things said about them. I talked about not judging people that slip. Lots of times in the past i ran into some self rightous people that do judge, sometimes just by the look they give you. The one thing I have learned, that if it wasn't for my relapses, and seeing the extent that my addictions can take, I wouldn't be trying to get sober. Relapses can be good as learning experiances. It doesn't mean that there necessary, but if somebody, like myself, is to stuborn, or thinks it doesn't apply to them, then it can be good for them to learn by it. I know now that my thinking, without help, will always lead me back to drugs and drinking. It always has even tho I never intended it that way. What always got me drinking, or druging, was my thinking. I always, eventually drifted away from recovery in some way, having other things to do. Once my mind gets away from recovery, I start doing my own thinking. It's just the way it goes. It's my own thinking that gets me right back into shit. I know that now, but if I didn't do it on my own, and see for myself, I would still be thinking that I know what I'm doing. I don't want to do that again. I beleive what Dillon says. The proof is overwhelming. So now that that's done, I feel I can really move on now to real recovery. I'm not going to die that way. I'm going to have a life, and a good one. I'm going to make the changes as they come, and not on my own, but let others help me. I don't think my ego would have allowed that before, but it's good that I can now. I watched a video on stage two recovery today at the Sobriety Center. It was done by Ernie Larson. It was funny too, because I watched those years ago in recovery, and I was just telling Tim about Ernie this morning, and then I get to The Center and Dillon left it for me. It was very good, and had some real important things that I want to do. I need to watch it again, and take some notes about what he's saying. These are things I need. You just don't hear this stuff in A.A, because people just don't know. I need these things. I want real change. I need real change. I had lots of sponsors, but they only talked about staying away from drinking. I've done that in the past, but unless something changes after that, it just gets boring, living with your same self, and eventually you end up saying, "Fuck it." Unless real change comes about from deep inside ourselves, why would we not drink again. Your still the same person. Still got the same shit going on, and isn't that what we medicate? That stuff that we don't like. That prevents us from being good people. Little, by little. Thank you, God.