Well, today surprised my socks off. I was coming in from having a ciggarette on my lunch and my manager asked to speak with me. I must really be in bad shape. Right away my mind started racing trying to think of what I did. If I had money to bet with I would have put it down that I was getting fired  for sure. I kept my composure and acted cool. We went to the farthest corner table, so I knew somthing was up.. He sat me down and told me about some replacement in Guelph, and someone was getting transfered from the Water St account, and they needed somebody to replace that person. The position is like a Sous Chef. It's a dollar fifty more an hour, and I won't have to take the bus. It's only ten minutes away. I was floored. I thought for sure this was a firing. I thought that before one time before when I first started. I don't know about others, but my mind plays on me. I always think the worst, and that people want to fuck me. I tell you, it's stressfull with this thinking, but most times nothing is going on. Especially what I'm thinking. I wanted to laugh after, but held back. I did joke with him a bit about it, and he laughed. I think he knows that my thinking is something I struggle with. He knows I'm an alcoholic and drug addict. I don't tell him much, but I have been open about that. I couldn't tell anyone after. It's one of those management secrets, and I was told so. Well, I guess my work is showing, even tho I feel I have such a low opinion of myself. I've been noticing that lately. A lot of these people I serve look like they have good families and are doing good. I always hear conversations about their families, especially now that it's getting to the holiday season. I catch myself thinking about how I don't have a family to share with. It does make me sad. I miss my mom and dad very much. I miss my wife and children, and these family times are hard. I try to imagine how my children look like, or if they remember me. When I see all the toy's in Wal Mart, it is hard. It's a pain that never goes away no matter what. I would do anything to take back the years and make things right, but it doesn't go that way. Anyway, I can't afford to go back in that hurt. There's nothing I can do. I tried everything before. It's just a deadend. A place that makes me feel bad, and that I need to avoid so I can move ahead. Hopefully with this new stuff, I am doing that. I hope. Thank you, God.