Yesterday was like a day from hell. Started out with a fire in my kitchen. I had the stove on because it's so cold in the morning. My long john's weren't dry completly, so I hung them above the stove, and then took a bath. All of a sudden I realize there's smoke. I jumped out of the tub and here my long john's had fallen on the stove, and caught fire. I got it out O.K. and there wasn't much damage. Just really scared me. Jimmy was watching the whole thing. If anything ever happened to him, I don't know what I would do. I was sick as hell yesterday from comming off these pills. I wish I never started them. I went to work for Bob and Paul anyway. I need the money bad. Rents comming up, and I'm worrying a lot. Paul left me with this house from hell to try and make look nice. I spent the day painting the upstairs. They really are bad landlords. I've been trying to look at things possitive, but what I see makes me sick. I've seen houses full of mouse shit, piss in buckets, all kinds of sick sex stuff. It really does make you sick when you see how some people live. But these landlords, all they do is try and cover stuff up so they can get someone in. They don't care or anything. I started out careing and trying to do stuff good, but it's wearing me down. The only reason I'm doing it now is for the money, but once I get back to work...No more. I don't want to see that shit, or be around these people. It's just not worth it. Last night I had a few beers to calm myself down. Didn't drink to get drunk, just trying anyway to ease this withdrawel. I feel so weak, nervouse, and shaky. It's really not funny. I'm really worried. My freinds here are encouraging me, but sometimes I don't even seem to have the energy to get on here. Oh, God, please help.