Not feeling the greatest today. Lost about forty dollars somewhere last night. I had a rough night sleeping too. Tossed and turned till about two in the morning. I phoned work this morning and told them I'm not comming in. I'm going to work with Bob so the whole day won't be a loss. I need the money to pay the hydro tomorow. I'm alright with that. I'm starting to worry about surgery on Wednesday. Worried about the pain and the medication I will have to take. i don't want to get hooked on anything again. Withdrawel are bad news, and I know how much I like pain killers. I'm also worried about being able to take care of myself after I have the operation. It really would be nice haveing someone with me. Mayby I'll ask Dillon or someone from the meetings. Little Jimmy is starting to really stink when he goes to the washroom. I keep it clean, but man he stinks the whole apartment sometimes. Georgette is heading for Seattle W.A. I'm really happy for her. Being able to travel and do things. It does make me envious tho. I wish I could do that. I really feel like I could use some time to just get away. Seems like most of my efforts are based around just trying to maintain. I wouldn't say it's really fun. Sure it's nice to have everything I have, but I need some fun. I am glad that she's having a good time. She deserves it. She's really been a good freind. I would rather her to be here with me, but I know thats selfish. I think she really needs to be doing what she's doing.  I did my wash last night. Left a stupid marker in my work clothes, and now all my shirts have black marks on them. Pissed me right off. I hope I can get them out. I pray there's better days ahead filled with fun, joy, and peace. Lord, I pray that you give me the strength to carry on and keep my head through these times ahead. Thank you.