Well, things are going better now. I got a little freaked out and thought things were getting messed up. My girlfreind changed the internet account because the billing was in her name and she was woried that if there was any problem her credit would get messed up. I think she has it in my name now, but I'm not sure. I think she canceled the service in her name. I'm confused as to where it stands now. I don't know if the billing is still in my name, or if the service is going to be shut of. She really wasn't clear about it. I guess I just have to wait and see. We communicate by e-mails and chats, but it's a little dificult getting the exact messages through. Anyway, just wait and see. I would like everything to stay the same because it's just easier than having the phone number changed and having to notify everyone. right now the computer has become my most used source of comunication. Loosing that would really make things dificult. Anyway, did some work with Paul today. He's a nice guy to work for. Dealing with his instructions is a bit difficult. He seems to jump all over the place. I like being more organized and doing things systematically. i don't like bouncing all over the house doing all kinds of things at the same time. I find it gets really chaotic that way. They leave stuff all over the place, and you lose so much time trying to just find stuff. This place was already well into the work when I got there, but the next time I would like to do things more differant. The other night I was with Bob at another house. We had six guys in one wasroom trying to do differant things. That was nuts. I still get payed no matter, but I get frustrated trying to do a good job. Other than that, things are all right. I talked with Georgette last night. I was really happy about that. When I go through these things that get me scared I get worried with her to. I know that she doesn't want bad for me or anything. I just think sometimes it's hard for her to understand. Taking on responsibilities is something that I sometimes panic about. I'm good with a lot of things, but I do panic about certain things. I know to that this will get better with practise, but I think a lot of addicts have trouble with this. Sometimes we have spent so many years in our addictions that we haven't developed a lot of the coping skills that helps us to feel confident, and not panic about simple things that normal people have spent years developing these skills. It takes us addicts time. we do develope them each time that we face things, and not run from them. I am facing them. I'm not running, and with each one I face, I know I'm getting a little better. Just wish it was right now. But, don't we all. If only life were like that, but then we would bypass all the things that build our charactor. Anyway, it was good talking to her. With all thats been happening lately, I was getting worried about loseing her as a freind. She really is a good person. We have shared so much over the past 8 months. I feel like she is like family to me. Funny thing is that it's not based on sex. Mayby I'm getting old or something, but that doesnt seem to be a major thing for me. Sure it's nice, but it isn't a priority for me. Sometimes I listen to Carlos and Dan talking, and they sometimes get talking guy stuff. I really don't care for that talk, but I know it's just them trying to be manly or something. To me it just sounds imature. I don't understand people that want to just have sex for the sake of sex. I prefer to have feelings and be with someone that I care about. Sex just for the sake of sex doesn't appeal to me at all. I've noticed that over the years I don't even care for porn or anything to do with that. I think it's because I seen so much degrating things when I was using drugs, that most of the time I am aware of whats really going on behind the scenes. I think that also my relationship with God has taught me about the downfalls of premiscuous sex. To me it's just a fantasy world. I want things that are real, and to mean something. With Georgette, I respect her. I love her for who she is. She is my freind, and I would never want to do anything to hurt her. Alright, I seem to be rambling and getting of track. Lord, I thank you for being with me. I thank you for your protection, your comfort, and your guidance. Help me to listen, and to follow your ways. Help me to become the person that you want me to. Help me to be willing to face my fears, and grow so that I can be more content. Thank you so much for all you do. Amen