Today was a good day at work. I apologized to the new guy for being rude with him. He took it all right I guess. Not sure, but thats not the point. The point is that it was wrong and it's something I need to work on. What apologies are is confessions of our faults. We may not always have the power to change our faults, but by admitting them we take responsibility for them and allow ourselves to be open to change. Over the last while I have realized that I seem to be completly powerless on my own to change anything. I know the person that I want to be, I know the good things I want to do, but there is this thing that is part of me that does the oposite at times. I assume this is self will. The only way that I find that any change seems possible is through God. Reflecting on my past, I always wanted to be a good person, but I did the things that eventually made me bad. I never intended this, but it was my thinking that done it. Even when I was truly trying to do the right things, they eventually led to the bad. So now I'm learning that it is only through God that change can happen. I need to learn his ways, how he thinks, what he wants for me. To do this I need to continuously seek God. I do this with the things I read. I try to do it with the people I associate with. All through my day I am constantly keeping my eyes and mind open for the things that God wants to teach me. I'm finding this a really wonderful experience. Lately, since being alone, I'm finding that I want to spend time with God. I enjoy it. I need people to a certain extent, as we all do, but God is my foremost important thing. It is what keeps me in tune. I know that learning is also a life long process that only stops when you die, but the bible tells me that this is where another journey starts. I would really love to live with God. Just imagine all the peace and contentment you would ever need. I want that. I feel that I am comming closer to some decisions that I know I'll have to make soon. I feel that one of them is really do I want to fully follow God and his ways. From my experience so far, God is awsome when I stay with Him and cooperate with Him. When I seem to wonder and do my own thing, I find that I lose that peacful, and contented feeling. It's really not to dificult at all when I surender and stop being stuborn. I do see lots of changes that have taken place from the person I used to be. Every day seems to be brand new and I look foreward to it. Not like I used to dread it. I'm trying to learn to cooperate more and do the right things without fear. It's hard sometimes because we get scared, or don't know what will happen, but then this is how we build faith. By facing those fears, and not running away. Lord, I pray that you help me to have the courage to face my daily fears, and never to run away from them. If I am to know your blessings, and gifts that you want to give me, I will never find them by running from them. Thank you so much, Lord. Amen.