I feel fantastic today. Had a hard day at work. Spent most of it trying to bite my tongue and not say bad things to the guy who was trying to help. I did get fed up and swore while I was talking. I asked him to just do something I thought was simple, but he really sqrewed it up and I just couldn't understand how someone could seem so inable to do anything. Afterwards I thought about what was really driving me nuts being around this guy. He seems to always be doing these spastic nervous movements that really bother me. I find it embaressing being with him when he's doing it. I think the reason it bothers me so much is that I remember having similar feelings of awkwardness around people. I think that seeing it brings back the anger that I used to feel. I found myself feeling all kinds of things around him. I feel anger, I feel frustration, I feel sorry for him, I feel angry that they place him in a possition where he has to go through that. I do feel for him to. I've tried to help him by talking about it and offering things that he could do to not appear that way, but it seems to just be something that is. I know he's only with me tempoary until Terry comes back tomorow. I just found it very hard. I talked to the chef today about it, but I got more frustrated because he looked at me as if I were being hard on the guy. I haven't been hard, but what are you supposed to do. The customers see it and it affects the service quality, as well as my work. I end up having to do almost everything and take on the whole work because I get fed up after, because I knoe everything he tries to do he just fucks it up and I end up stepping in and doing it. i am trying to be profesional and not hard on him. It's really a task. Thank God Terry comes back tomorow. Anyway, the chef and I had a further talk by ourselves. He offered to drive me for my Dr's appointment so I wouldn't have to leave earlier to catch the bus. I knew the guy didn't drink or do drugs, but I found out that his sight is impaired. That could explain a lot because I've seen him always getting close to things and I wondered about it. Anyway, I feel that I do owe him an apology for getting short with him, and for swearing. So I'll take care of that tomorow. I went to my apointment at John Howars Society. I really enjoyed the talk I had with Alex. We talked a lot about boundries, and looking at things for how they are. Something I have been doing a lot lately. I told him about this fantastic book that I had just finished reading. While reading it I was underlining the things that really stood out for me. I almost ended up underlining the whole book. I had the book with me and left it with him. He was interested in it too and wanted to check it out. He said that he sees such a big differance in me now. He said that I was being so much more positive and really looking at things the right way. That felt good, because I also feel that I'm doing well. I'm not running from things, or responsibilities. Actually I am welcoming them. By facing each one I am lessening the fears that used to prevent me from having a good life. I am learning to love myself, and take care of me. That really is a big change that I never thought I would ever do, but I am, and I'm very proud of it. Thank you Lord. Thank you so very, very much. Amen. Yahoo!