This weekend has been extremly hard for me. Usually everyone looks foreward to any type of weekend, but with being alone now, I don't. I just don't know what to do with myself. I try to keep myself focused, but thats impossible right now. I'm worrying about too many things. I got this apartment because another person agreed that they wanted to do this, but due to circumstances thats changed. I understand the changes, but it's put me in a place that I worry about whats going to happen now.. Can I afford to do this? Can I look after li"l Jimmy? Am I going to lose all the nice things here that were worked so hard for? Is God punishing me again? Even if I lose the place, how can I move anything? I can't take it. Even the electricity and cable, can I manage that? Will it be turned off ? God, so many things on my mind that I just can't seem to find any peace. I know I'm on my way to drinking. Right now I'm just gritting my teeth to not do it. I know that doing that is completly giving up. If I do that there certainly is no hope of anything good happening, and yes, I will lose everything. Yesterday I sent some testy messages to G. I'm sorry now that I did and I regret what I said. I'm worried about her tho. I haven't heard from her. God, please just help me to do this one minute at a time. I really can't do anymore right now. Help me to find peace. Thank you.