This week was a very hard week emotionally for me. So many things going around in my mind. I'm trying to get refocused and pointed in the right direction again. I feel alot of mixed emotions because of current events that have happened. I feel like my whole world has been turned upsidedown. For the past seven months I was pretty busy doing alot of things that gave me so much hope. Now I'm really not sure where I stand. I feel sad and lonely right now. I also feel very scared. Being on my own has never been very good for me. I keep going over things in my mind trying to sort stuff out, but I'm not getting anywhere too well. I feel alot of anger at myself for things I should have done better, or perhaps not have done. Sometimes I really get discouraged with life. I try so hard to be good, and do things right, but things like this just really mess me up. Life seemed like it was really on it's way finally to being wonderful. I found someone that I seemed to be able to get along well with. She was truly my freind. I could share anything with her, and it was very comfortable. I felt so good being with her. I truly felt that God had brought us together. I'm just not sure where things really stand right now. So much goes through my mind and now I feel there's no one to talk to about it. Things seem to just be on hold right now. Perhaps I'm just tired from everything and getting down on myself. I don't know. One thing I do know is the hugs from her sure helped to not feel things like this. Maby I'm just someone that needs to grow up. Seem to have all these feelings that I don't like, and I can't do anything about them. Feelings like crying. All week I was working with alot of anger. I was more voicerous than usual. Actually that was good in alot of ways, because I was letting them know what I thought about things. I was getting a little fed up with all the stupid little things that you have to put up with there. Things like complaints by E-mail. Somebody even complained that my display dishes were done too well. Some of these people are really too much. I'm just tired of it. I'm there to do a job, and I do it well. I want to deal with ways to improve. Not piddle ass shit like my plates are garnished too nicely. I told the manager today that they should focus more on improvements rather than spending so much time sqrewing with the piddle ass shit. What I've noticed is that we spend so much time doing things to please people that just like to complain about anything, and their never satisfied anyway. Sometimes it's like being in a place with a bunch of spoiled brats. These people are supposed to be profesional, but I tell you thet sure don't seem like it half the time. Hey, this feels good to bitch abit. Maybe I'll do more tomorow. Right now I'm tired. Another sober day done. Thank you Lord.