Today is a much nicer day. Work was differant today. They had a free pizza day for all the employees at Manulife. it was still work, but a differant pace and atmosphere for a change. Unfortunatly the chef I don't think had it too good. So many people came and he started having a real hard time keeping up. We ran out of food for periods of time. I know from my own experience thats always a tough one to handle, but hey, sometimes shit happens. After we were finished I was surprised. The manager came up to me and handed all of us a $25.00 gift certificate for Canadian Tire. that was a real nice surprise. It can come in handy right now to, because of the things I want to do in the apartment. After I was finished my own work, they told me to help the guy in the dish room. I really need to work on this attitude of mine. I did go and do what I was told, but inside my head there was a whole differant thing going on. I seem to not like being told what to do, especially when I've done my own work. It's that old stuborness and rebelneous in me. At least I do choose to do whats appropriate and expected of me, but I don't like the shit that goes on in my head. Although it's just my thinking, I still feel thats wrong. I would like to have good thoughts with me, but I'm not sure if I can do that. maybe this is part of the process of changing, I'm not sure, but if theirs a way to change my thoughts, I really would like to do that. I even asked my manager to talk to him again because I still get upset inside about the way I was treated when I first started there. maybe this is God's way of helping me to be humble, but let me tell you. When you have to bite your tongue and not say the things you really want to, or the things that any other person would do in the same situations, it really sucks big time. In this paticular situation, I am sure that it was mostly because of my being a chef before, and they wanted to show who's boss. It does make me angry when I think back, because if I wanted to keep the job, I had to shut my mouth, and just suck it up. And they really did some nasty stuff. See, I can just go on, but I feel this anger about it still when I remember. am I supposed to bury it and just go on? From what I've learned about anger, it's something that should be dealt with. If we are to just bury it , and keep it inside, doesn't it feaster or come out in some way down the line? I don't want that happening. i spent enough years doing that. I want to be happy, but it's hard when you have this shit going on. So the only way that I can think of to deal with it, or get some advice about it, is talk about it with my manager, and hopefully he will help me. I'm going to try anyway. My God tells me that I need to forgive them. I try to do that, but the memories come back and I get angry inside again. It's one of the hardest things to do, forgive someone thats been an asshole to you. i keep thinking back to alot of times that I have done the same, or worse things to people. i remember that I was very nasty. Hard not to be when your hung over at the time. I didn't know that then because all the craziness that I thought at the time made sense to me. Maybe I need to really sit, and instead of thinking how to forgive them, ask God to forgive me. This is a wonderful thing about sobriety. Instead of using all our energy to get even, we start trying to see whats really wrong. We start looking at ourselves, and learning who we are. That is so beutiful. Thank you, Lord.