Today went pretty well at work. I was worried abit over the weekend, one of my past times. I had shared alot about myself with this lady that I work with. She came by the center one time and we talked for at least two hours. She told me of her past, and I sha re d mine, but recently a t work she started to seem strange about her religious views. When I would joke around about certain things she would call me a hypocrite. Anyway, I started to think that she may decide at some time to use my past or something, and I didn't want that to happen. If anything is to be said about my past, I would prefere to be the one to mention it. It might not have been wise, but I told my boss about it. Not in detail, but I did let him know. I also told him about the way I felt about this lady. I also let him know that my job sometimes causes me a little stress because I'm the one that deals with all the customers. Everything I do is looked at, and any mistakes or wrong things I might do are watched by everyone. I know that it's part of my job, but sometimes it can get to me. If I cough, fart or breath wrong, some people will complain. I think I'm handling it well, but sometimes I just want to tell people where to go, but I can't. He was really good about it, and he understands the position I have and the effect it can have. I feel better about it now. Sometimes I just need some reasurance. It can feel like I'm out there all alone at times. All the others eat together and sit and talk, but my breaks and lunch times are differant, and I'm usually by myself. Just have to deal with it. Today when I got to the center I found it in a mess. i took the weekend off to paint the new apartment so I wasn't around here. I came in today and they had garbage bags pilled by the garbage can. No garbage bags even in the can, or in the center. All someone has to do is go across the street and buy some. I brought a mop and pail with me today, because I figured it would need cleaning. No sense bitching about it. Their not going to change it seems. I've learned that you can complain all you want, but it only makes yourself feel like shit, and get you angry. I don't like the feeling of anger, so I'll do what needs to be done. At least I'll feel good about it being nice and clean tonight. i'm also a little sore today from painting. The apartment is starting to look nice now. The landlord had a guy one night painting there. I didn't like his work so I started redoing a lot of it. If it's going to be my home, I want it to be nice. I want to feel good being there. And of course, being an alcoholic I'm a little bit of a perfectionist. Even tho I know thats not obtainable, but it's fun trying. I find that you also can feel so good when you push yourself beyond your limits. It's really amazing what you can do sober. I couldn't do a damened thing before, but now the sky's the limits. I thank you so much, Lord for everything that your showing me.
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