Work went well todat, but I was still thinking about Trish alot. I find myself sometimes wanting to get angry, but then I can't. It's that damned addiction that I really hate. I was talking alot to Dillon about it today. I feel like I don't ever want to put myself in the possition that I did. I really put myself out for her. I also placed myself in very dangerous circumstances. Sometimes I'm not all that sure it was all for her, or just testing myself. Anyway, I feel that it was really foolish to go as far as I did. I won't ever do that again. I learned alot from this experience. Perhaps it has made me stronger, not sure. I guess the feeling I most have is one of being used. I feel like a sucker. When I was using I remember this feeling often. When it comes to crack there is alot of deceit, lying, and using of people. I guess I let alot of this happen. When I was talking to Dillon he mentioned about people seeing me with her and how they would think of me. I don't really care about that. I tried to do what no other person would probably do in Kitchener. Trish is well known here. People call her a crack whore, a whore, a thief, and whatever else that represents the lowest of the low. I gave her rest, covered her, fed her, held her hand when I walked with her. I wasn't embaressed at all at being seen with her, but now I feel something, and I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it's anger at the whole thing about addiction and how we deal with it. I feel like I failed in some ways. I keep thinking that if only I did this or that. I also wonder if Dillon really even cares. I didn't see him offering to help or do anything. Ah, fuck it. Maybe I was just expecting too much.