4 months still mourning - not ready for anyone new

It's been just over 4 months now since my Smokey passed away.  I am not ready for anyone new.  I feel bad though because yesterday my friend Carol and I went to a bar close to home.  I don't know what possessed me to flirt with a guy sitting near Carol.  I felt like the devil was inside me.  I feel competetive with Carol and last Friday the same game was really flirting with Carol.  I am not ready nor do I want to meet with anyone yet as I miss Smokey so very much.  Now I feel guilty about the whole situation.  To some people, they would blow the whole thing off so maybe I should as well.   If I am still mourning and crying over Smokey, I am not ready yet for anyone new to come into my life.  This is what I am thinking and am probably right about it.  Even Carol can see that in me and she said you will know when you are ready.  It is 5:28 a.m. and I can't sleep very well.  I did a bad thing and snacked way to late in the evening and then went to bed.  I woke up with heartburn and took one Zantac.  It made me feel better but now I can't sleep.   When it comes to inward healing from the loss of someone special, you can't force it.  Inward healing comes with time.  I know I am better than I was when Smokey first died but still not 100%.  How can a a person ever be 100% when you have this huge giant whole in  your heart.  I feel like my heart was broken in two when Smokey passed away.  He was my whole life.  I had a horrible first marriage ending in divorce.  When Smokey and I met, we felt like we had known each other our whole lives.  We never doubted our relationship from the beginning.  We were together ten years but it felt like we just met.  We had that kind of relationship, which you just cannot replace.  I lost my better half and do not feel complete anymore.  With someone that special, you can't replace them as they are irreplaceable.