February 2nd will be the second anniversary. Cassi shot herself, she killed herself and for a long long time nothing else mattered. I am in that place again. Nothing matters and I don't want to wake up in the morning.
Gina, yes Cassi angel day is here again and I understand nothing mattering. Be kind to yourself and I hope that you can feel the hugs coming to you. Peace!!
I know this is so hard for you because that 2\'nd year mark is just hard and it was for me, reality sets in. The shock wears off and you realize your in reality with all of this. Try hard to get out of that horrible place that we have all been in. I know it is hard the date coming up. Take gentle care of your self. XOX, Debbie
February is my tough month also. I feel the tension and anxiety slowly coming on, as I see you are also experiencing. These are the times when feelings cannot be denied. A friend said to lean into them and not to deny them. (She has lost a daughter). I\'ve planned on taking the 11th of Feb. off (birthday). And on the 26th, will go to Christopher\'s accident site and leave flowers. (5 years)
I\'m Honoring Cassi on the 2nd and know I will be thinking of you. She is so special and her love is with you forever.
Hugs from Debbie
I am so sorry, these days don\'t get any easier. I understand....I hate to go to bed at night because it means I\'ll wake up and start another day. I wish I could give you an answer to make the hurt go away, but I can\'t. Just feel whatever you need to feel. If you want to hate the world, or pull the covers over your head and stay in bed all day then do it. My problem is that I have constantly tried to stifle the feelings and pretend they aren\'t there and that doesn\'t work either. What is the answer? there isn\'t one.....we are going to grieve and hurt. Sometimes it helps me to try to think of the funny things my son used to do...the happy times.
Oh my dearest Gina. I can feel your pain. I wish I could be there to give you a huge hug and cry with you. I have no words of wisdom - just know you are loved.
Tight hugs, M
They say the second year is harder than the first... this is so true, because reality takes over and pushes the numbness away. Please be gentle with yourself.
If you find yourself thinking you have nothing to go on for, please ask for help...
MaryLou
I know you feel that nothing matters, yet YOU matter! Please hold onto this during these dark days and know that your sisters of the heart are walking beside you.
The sorrow, pain and anguish is great and so is the LOVE that you forever have for your Cassi. As Debbie reminds us we are our children\'s memory keepers and this is what you do for Cassi and for yourself.
Gentle, gentle care for your aching heart and oh, how I wish that none of us had to know this anguish. Deepest of sighs...
Just BE however you need to BE and when you peek out we are here waiting and watching for YOU. YOU MATTER!!!!!!
I know it is hard. Please don\'t dig a hole so deep that you cannot get out. The numbness is gone and all we feel is the pain. We are all here to help pull you up, feel free to lean on us. Take care of yourself..
Tight Hugs
Penny
I know how these dates can bring us down and I am sending you compassion, peace and love to help you during this tender time. You are Cassi are forever loved and remembered here, that is the nice thing about this sisterhood.
Hugs,
Leda
Gina, I get it. This past Monday was the 3 year mark of Jason\'s death. I continue to struggle to find a purpose or something to sincerely care about. I also hear the anger and sadness and confusion in your journal. I share that too. I am so sorry you are here and so glad that you have \"here\" to come to.
Hoping you have a moment of peace and please remember to breathe...
(((hugs))) Merrilee
We will wake in the morning, it will be painful and we as warriors will go on. I truly believe that, as I have wittiness here. Gina you are strong and we will always feel this wave of grief. We will prevail and not easily. Thinking of you in the days to come, my heart is with you.
Cindy
I know that my Michael did not intentionally kill himself by his heroin overdose. But in my mind, he did kill himself. Except for his own actions, he would be alive. Tomorrow morning, and all those to follow, will bring us increasing strength and compassion. Understanding, well that is another thing. Peace XOXO Belinda
Iknow the first 4years I felt like you the pain was unbearable. But gradually it let go of me and i t will you to. In time bless your angel we all hurt to loose our kids we never expected to loose them. But wedid now we have to try and build our lives around us to try as best as we can to be happy again our angels look down and don\'t want to see us unhappy forever
Sending hugd and some peace
From one.mom to another mom.
Replies
Gina, yes Cassi angel day is here again and I understand nothing mattering. Be kind to yourself and I hope that you can feel the hugs coming to you. Peace!!
I know this is so hard for you because that 2\'nd year mark is just hard and it was for me, reality sets in. The shock wears off and you realize your in reality with all of this. Try hard to get out of that horrible place that we have all been in. I know it is hard the date coming up. Take gentle care of your self. XOX, Debbie
I understand how you feel, dearest Vicki. Gentle, loving hugs to you! xxx
February is my tough month also. I feel the tension and anxiety slowly coming on, as I see you are also experiencing. These are the times when feelings cannot be denied. A friend said to lean into them and not to deny them. (She has lost a daughter). I\'ve planned on taking the 11th of Feb. off (birthday). And on the 26th, will go to Christopher\'s accident site and leave flowers. (5 years)
I\'m Honoring Cassi on the 2nd and know I will be thinking of you. She is so special and her love is with you forever.
Hugs from Debbie
I am so sorry, these days don\'t get any easier. I understand....I hate to go to bed at night because it means I\'ll wake up and start another day. I wish I could give you an answer to make the hurt go away, but I can\'t. Just feel whatever you need to feel. If you want to hate the world, or pull the covers over your head and stay in bed all day then do it. My problem is that I have constantly tried to stifle the feelings and pretend they aren\'t there and that doesn\'t work either. What is the answer? there isn\'t one.....we are going to grieve and hurt. Sometimes it helps me to try to think of the funny things my son used to do...the happy times.
Hugs and understanding from June
Oh my dearest Gina. I can feel your pain. I wish I could be there to give you a huge hug and cry with you. I have no words of wisdom - just know you are loved.
Tight hugs, M
They say the second year is harder than the first... this is so true, because reality takes over and pushes the numbness away. Please be gentle with yourself.
If you find yourself thinking you have nothing to go on for, please ask for help...
MaryLou
I know you feel that nothing matters, yet YOU matter! Please hold onto this during these dark days and know that your sisters of the heart are walking beside you.
The sorrow, pain and anguish is great and so is the LOVE that you forever have for your Cassi. As Debbie reminds us we are our children\'s memory keepers and this is what you do for Cassi and for yourself.
Gentle, gentle care for your aching heart and oh, how I wish that none of us had to know this anguish. Deepest of sighs...
Just BE however you need to BE and when you peek out we are here waiting and watching for YOU. YOU MATTER!!!!!!
Hand in hand and Heart to heart,
XO Joanie
I am very sorry for the lows that these dates bring. I will be thinking of you and praying for this load to lighten yet again.
I know it is hard. Please don\'t dig a hole so deep that you cannot get out. The numbness is gone and all we feel is the pain. We are all here to help pull you up, feel free to lean on us. Take care of yourself..
Tight Hugs
Penny
I know how these dates can bring us down and I am sending you compassion, peace and love to help you during this tender time. You are Cassi are forever loved and remembered here, that is the nice thing about this sisterhood.
Hugs,
Leda
Gina, I get it. This past Monday was the 3 year mark of Jason\'s death. I continue to struggle to find a purpose or something to sincerely care about. I also hear the anger and sadness and confusion in your journal. I share that too. I am so sorry you are here and so glad that you have \"here\" to come to.
Hoping you have a moment of peace and please remember to breathe...
(((hugs))) Merrilee
We will wake in the morning, it will be painful and we as warriors will go on. I truly believe that, as I have wittiness here. Gina you are strong and we will always feel this wave of grief. We will prevail and not easily. Thinking of you in the days to come, my heart is with you.
Cindy
I know that my Michael did not intentionally kill himself by his heroin overdose. But in my mind, he did kill himself. Except for his own actions, he would be alive. Tomorrow morning, and all those to follow, will bring us increasing strength and compassion. Understanding, well that is another thing. Peace XOXO Belinda
Iknow the first 4years I felt like you the pain was unbearable. But gradually it let go of me and i t will you to. In time bless your angel we all hurt to loose our kids we never expected to loose them. But wedid now we have to try and build our lives around us to try as best as we can to be happy again our angels look down and don\'t want to see us unhappy forever
Sending hugd and some peace
From one.mom to another mom.