4 AM announcement ... 12 / 3 / 18

Around 4 AM he suddenly announces to me that in January he wants me to NOT pay the electric bill, and have it delayed till FEBRUARY ! What he doesn't realize is 2 very important things !!!... ONE is that there is a GOOD CHANCE that the electric company WON'T allow me to do that !.... AND Even IF they allow me to do that, they MARK IT DOWN... as a " MARK " AGAINST ME.... meaning that in the future my chances of being approved for payment arrangements get slimmer and slimmer !!!!... 

PLUS... there's the MAIN FEAR that I have that the reason he mentioned this in the first place is because he plans on LEAVING ME in January !... So he's already making " EXCUSES " for NOT Paying January's Electric Bill !!!!!!!

I HOPE AND PRAY that I'm WRONG about that last FEAR ! PLEASE GOD let me be completely WRONG about that ! PLEASE ?!

I just CAN'T go through that AGAIN ! ... I just CAN'T !!!! 

I'm HOPING that the ONLY - OR at least the MAIN - Reason he even talked like that at all was because of the incident at the Lumsden Walmart earlier during the daytime ! His rage has been completely OUT of control lately ! It's been ridiculous ! IF he's not VERY VERY CAREFUL...he's only inches from being thrown in jail for one of his rages ! He's VERY lucky that he didn't even up led away in handcuffs yesterday in the Walmart ! I pray that he allows that fact to sink in enough to trigger some " common sense " in his mind, so that he'll be a LOT more careful in the future ! I hope ! 

For now... I'm just PRAYING that he's NOT planning on leaving Me ! .... I'm NOT ready for that ! I would need some sort of a " plan " first... what ? I just don't know right now. I know I would NOT be able to afford cable TV, but SOMEHOW I'm hoping that I'd be able to afford some Internet coverage ! ... PLEASE GOD !... PLEASE let that be possible... SOMEHOW !!!!!!