4/4/13

Have not written in several days. Have been ill and nothing going on. went to Kilgore and spent Easter weekend with some friends. It was fun, but showed me I am spending too much time alone. It was hard for me to be around so many people. Not because of the divorce, etc. Just because I'm spending too much time alone. Its so easy for me to fall in to that habit and I'm trying to break it, but being sick doesnt help much. have always enjoyed my alone time so maybe dating, being married etc isnt for me. I don't know. I've always been an avid reader, but the last year or so I have not been able to focus enough to read. People who know me well enough to know how big a part of my life reading has always bee are shocked when I tell them. I have almost 800 books on my kindle-lol. but,I'm starting to get off the computer earlier at night and making myself read, even if its only a short story. Slowly it's getting better. books have been to important a part of my life to let that go without a fight. lol was planning to go to New Orleans next weekend, but since I have been off work sick all week, I think I will have to cancel trip. Jazz fest here in natchitoches is gonna be great if weather cooperates. may go to that. went 2 years ago with(then) husband and it was so much fun. for me anyway. maybe he was already with her mentally and emotionally. Which really ticks me off. I know that they became FB friends in early may of that year so they had connected online before that. so all that summer while we were doing things together and I was planning things for us, he really was not here. The family reunion, the trip to LSU for the ballgame, friends wedding,etc. some things make sense in retrospect. The way he was ugly to me at reunion, yelled at me after that wedding, etc. Just little things-but so out of character for him. At the time I thought they were just a mood. Now of course they make sense. We were planning an awesome trip for Christmas: drive to New Orleans and catch the train to Georgia to see my brothers. We were both so excited. I know at one point we were looking at the routes and he noticed that same train went to D.C.  He remarked it would be a great way for him to go for some conference in D.C. over memorial holiday weekend. I remember saying oh wow that would be awesome! We should do that. he got that look on his face and changed the subject. I noticed it at the time and filed it away for future reference. Later of course when I found out about her and that she lives in Virginia-it all made sense. Even at that time, he was planning to go see her. It would be another couple of months though before I even found out he was unhappy. Oh well, water under the bridge. I don't blame her. HE is the one who went looking while still married. I know from experience how manipulative he can be, how well he knows which buttons to push. hell, I WAS her 25 years ago. She has no idea what she is getting in to No idea at all. 
I met a new guy...if I am feeling better we may go out this weekend.He seems like a nice guy. It would be nice to have someone to do things with, but we will see. Not in any hurry. Just having fun right now.