4/28/14
where did this month go? Sigh...Almost lost my job today...and wouldn't THAT have been a kick in the ass. Nobody's fault but my own. They have stood by me and stood by me and have done all they can to help me, but I'm not really meeting them halfway.
I have a real problem with getting myself to work all day, everyday. Have always had that problem. The last few years with all the stress it has been worse. Since they transferred me to the Warehouse, it's been way worse. So today I got called to HR. I think he wanted to let me go right then and there. He asked if I wanted to go part time, but I can't afford to do that. He said well he didnt know what else to do short of termination.
I told him that I have to be gone next week for my brother's wedding. Perhaps when I get back we could do a probationary period. He kind of scoffed. Said he would write up a memo regarding our meeting and it would have the stipulation that if things didn't improve I would be terminated. Of course he had to spend 5-10 more minutes scoffing and tsk tsking, etc. but that's where we are at.
I fully admit this is my fault but I was kind of pissed because he kept talking about dr excuses signed by the dr. or the nurse. Every time he said that I told him..I have dr. excuses attached to my leave slips.
But he is right and I am wrong. I know that. It's like I am pushing the envelope or trying to sabotage myself. I'm at odds and ends. I'm off balance. I cannot find a foothold to get out. I had a feeling before 2014 even started that it was going to be a hard year for me. I dont know why I thought that. But it has been. I feel like there is a reason or maybe Im supposed to get something from it...but damned if I know what.
I leave Friday for the wedding. I'm hoping my friend will back out so I can make the trip by myself. She's not part of the wedding. She will be staying somewhere else and site seeing. Ah well, what will be will be. I will be glad when it's over. Maybe when I get back home, I will settle down some and start figuring out a plan for myself. Something has to give...which is somewhat a frightening thought...my depression manifests itself in different ways. One of those ways is too many "mental health" days. I don't have that option now and I don't know where it will strike me from next.
Just have to make it till noon on Friday and then I am off for a week. Still, I keep having this hinky feeling that something is going to come up and keep me from being able to go to the wedding. I had the same feeling about the Christmas trip and sure enough I had to cancel it at the last minute.
But right now all I can do is what I can do.
I have a real problem with getting myself to work all day, everyday. Have always had that problem. The last few years with all the stress it has been worse. Since they transferred me to the Warehouse, it's been way worse. So today I got called to HR. I think he wanted to let me go right then and there. He asked if I wanted to go part time, but I can't afford to do that. He said well he didnt know what else to do short of termination.
I told him that I have to be gone next week for my brother's wedding. Perhaps when I get back we could do a probationary period. He kind of scoffed. Said he would write up a memo regarding our meeting and it would have the stipulation that if things didn't improve I would be terminated. Of course he had to spend 5-10 more minutes scoffing and tsk tsking, etc. but that's where we are at.
I fully admit this is my fault but I was kind of pissed because he kept talking about dr excuses signed by the dr. or the nurse. Every time he said that I told him..I have dr. excuses attached to my leave slips.
But he is right and I am wrong. I know that. It's like I am pushing the envelope or trying to sabotage myself. I'm at odds and ends. I'm off balance. I cannot find a foothold to get out. I had a feeling before 2014 even started that it was going to be a hard year for me. I dont know why I thought that. But it has been. I feel like there is a reason or maybe Im supposed to get something from it...but damned if I know what.
I leave Friday for the wedding. I'm hoping my friend will back out so I can make the trip by myself. She's not part of the wedding. She will be staying somewhere else and site seeing. Ah well, what will be will be. I will be glad when it's over. Maybe when I get back home, I will settle down some and start figuring out a plan for myself. Something has to give...which is somewhat a frightening thought...my depression manifests itself in different ways. One of those ways is too many "mental health" days. I don't have that option now and I don't know where it will strike me from next.
Just have to make it till noon on Friday and then I am off for a week. Still, I keep having this hinky feeling that something is going to come up and keep me from being able to go to the wedding. I had the same feeling about the Christmas trip and sure enough I had to cancel it at the last minute.
But right now all I can do is what I can do.
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