3rd Step
Yesterday in my morning meeting before I bought the car I brought up the topic of "hope" because I was feeling hopeless. I ended up hearing a lot about the 3rd step of the 12 steps of recovery. The third step is:
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
What I heard then is that I need to recognize that this is God's will. My will is wanting my surgery, God's will is for me to have reliable transportation throughout all of my college years. At the time however I was unwilling to accept it. It still hurt too much.
Last night after typing that short little journal entry I went to bed an cried. I prayed for God's will and to help me accept it. When I woke up I felt a little better, although still mildly depressed. That thankfully faded throughout the day.
I thought about the 3rd step a lot and about making that all important decision. I started doing good things for myself like going out for a bike ride. The sun was good for me, I think I needed it. I needed to be outside.
After I got back I relaxed for a while and then went to dinner with my boyfriend. After dinner was another meeting that just happened to be on the 3rd step. I god a lot from it.
Now I am feeling a release from the gripping depression. I have made a decision to turn my will over to God, because I know that is what is best for me.
A shift in my priorities is in order. What is more important: my short term comfort with my body, or my long term education? The answer a week ago was my short term comfort. Now the answer is my long term education. With that in mind buying a new car is one of the smartest things I could have done.
Now, thankfully, I can feel glad about it. I can enjoy my new car. I can marvel in how smooth the ride is and how I can do all these cool little things with it.
Life can be good, if I choose it. But I must make the decision first. Life is a series of decisions, and I have made mine.
Also: I have named my New Silver 2012 Kia Forte "Hope" because she (yes my car is female.) embodies my hope for a future, an education, a career, and eventually my surgery. Yesterday morning at the meeting I was 'hopeless,' but I have gained my hope back in the form of a car.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
What I heard then is that I need to recognize that this is God's will. My will is wanting my surgery, God's will is for me to have reliable transportation throughout all of my college years. At the time however I was unwilling to accept it. It still hurt too much.
Last night after typing that short little journal entry I went to bed an cried. I prayed for God's will and to help me accept it. When I woke up I felt a little better, although still mildly depressed. That thankfully faded throughout the day.
I thought about the 3rd step a lot and about making that all important decision. I started doing good things for myself like going out for a bike ride. The sun was good for me, I think I needed it. I needed to be outside.
After I got back I relaxed for a while and then went to dinner with my boyfriend. After dinner was another meeting that just happened to be on the 3rd step. I god a lot from it.
Now I am feeling a release from the gripping depression. I have made a decision to turn my will over to God, because I know that is what is best for me.
A shift in my priorities is in order. What is more important: my short term comfort with my body, or my long term education? The answer a week ago was my short term comfort. Now the answer is my long term education. With that in mind buying a new car is one of the smartest things I could have done.
Now, thankfully, I can feel glad about it. I can enjoy my new car. I can marvel in how smooth the ride is and how I can do all these cool little things with it.
Life can be good, if I choose it. But I must make the decision first. Life is a series of decisions, and I have made mine.
Also: I have named my New Silver 2012 Kia Forte "Hope" because she (yes my car is female.) embodies my hope for a future, an education, a career, and eventually my surgery. Yesterday morning at the meeting I was 'hopeless,' but I have gained my hope back in the form of a car.
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