3rd entry
Three entries in one day, must be a bad day - there are people who don't want me living here, and so they are determined to make my life hell. In 7 weeks I've had eggs thrown at me, and the house three times, tyres let down, and in last couple of days graffiti on the car, can be wiped off, but it is getting to me. If it were me I'd move away but mum is mourning her husband, and is determined to stay in the house they made their own. She is in need of care and my hope had been that they'd let me stay without hassle until anything happens to her. Then I am out of here. But no, they want to hound me and her, police supportive but some think I should just move, others say coming back to see mum may make me more vulnerable, and her, and it would send out a message that it is acceptable to get people out you don't like. Meanwhile I feel I'm heading towards some sort of breaking point.
Replies
Stop. Pause. Breathe.
Seven weeks. You've made it this far. Eggs thrown at you, the house, the tyres let down, graffiti wiped off, not bad for attention. They think those actions will run off a person who lives in the home filled with memories, cherished feelings, and whose husband is buried there. The people doing this are expressing their feelings about an event that is already past.
Ah. Stay, be strong. be silent. Smile, wave, and be kind. They are protecting you from others.
None of these people spoke to your mum before. None of these people have spoken to you or your mum, they've just been rude, offensive, mean, and otherwise a nuisance.
You are safe in the home. The police support the right to live in your home, and you are keeping to the positive.
Expressing your feelings is important in finding the balance.
The difference now, you are having unintended consequences face you front and center daily without any changes. Your response is better, and you are there to take care of your mum. Keep your focus on doing the best for your mum and giving her peace and calm. She's not leaving. Since you're there, respect that choice, and do the best you are able to.
One of the best gifts we give ourselves is forgiveness in that we want to run away, and, yet, we stay, we stand our ground quietly and with respect and kindness. These things that are happening will eventually change, in the meantime, keep writing it out.
I suspect that pain that is coming out now is full of everything combined. This particular result may be what your wife, children faced in a different form. Your mum is standing her ground, so stand with her, proud, head held high, with positive smile, and respect for her decision to be in her home.
The police support makes a difference. It provides a safety net. The neighbors who want peace and quiet and calm may keep their distance which is a sign of respect in its own way.
I'm sure you didn't expect this to happen as a result of your choices previously. It is an unintended consequence, and it has forced you to have to choose the option of staying and doing what will provide your mum peace and calm.
Keep writing it out.