9:10 pm  Was looking for some company.  Husband is too busy to take a few minutes and sit with me.  Why something so simple to just sit and spend 10 minutes with your wife seem to be such a chore.  Tired of sitting, tired of gaining weight, tired of being alone, tired of being tired.  Wish I had some inspiration.  A goal, a dream, something that I wish to aspire to be or to do, but I can't.  I can't seem to get my thoughts together or focus on anything.  Why can't I be driven?  Why can't I persevere and run forward.  How do I run forward instead of desperately wanting to run away?  Will things ever get better?  Will my situation ever change?  Will I ever get better?