When I was in the hospital I was trying to think of things that I could do to help myself when I got out. I feel like I don't always try hard enough to help myself. I was specifically thinking of ways to get my ass out of the house instead of being a hermit who goes to work and comes home and thats it. I used to enjoy going for hikes or a trip to the movies, etc. I haven't had the urge or the energy to do anything for a while and I feel its part of why I'm depressed. So, one of the things I thought would be good for me to do was visit my younger brother and his family. He only lives an hour and a half away and I can't remember the last time I saw him. I called him and made the arrangements. I just hope I don't get overly anxious about it and cancel. I do that a lot. He's my blood and I shouldn't feel nervous around him or his family but I am. They know I've been struggling for a while and I don't know how I will answer any questions about all the scars on my arms (they are very noticeable). My brother and his wife may not ask but they have little kids and I'm worried they would ask, they don't know any better. Also, my dad wants to go along so we will carpool. I even feel nervous about the car ride, I don't know what to talk about. I don't know how I would respond if he asked me about self harm. I just don't know. This trip thats supposed to be good for me is starting to stress me out. Not sure what to do about it.
Replies
I do think that sitting at home and isolating and withdrawing does contribute to our depression....well it does me... it is stepping out of our comfort zone which is the hardest... so good for you for calling your brother and taking the initiative to go visit him.. that must have been a hard thing to do..... as for your scars... can you wear a long sleeved top? that way there will be no awkward moments of anyone asking any questions
I appreciate your worry about the car ride too.... it\'s an enclosed space too and doesn\'t leave much room for silences or again the asking of potentially awkward questions..... I am sure your dad will be curious about your hospital stay but perhaps you can tell him that right now is not the best time to talk about it if he brings it up? stepping out of our comfort zone is always nerve wracking Pagan... but things rarely go as badly as we worry about beforehand.... I hope you are able to see this as a lovely visit to your brother and his family and a time away from just being on you own.... don\'t borrow trouble and try not to get too caught up in what if\'s..... it is something new and yes it is going to stress you out as it is the first time in a while you have done it? do your best... that is all anyone can ever do or ask of you
((((hugs)))) x
You feel like you shouldn\'t feel nervous around your family, but there are no feelings we shouldn\'t have. They\'re feelings - they don\'t make sense (that\'s what my t tells me). My family makes me feel all sorts of crap I feel like I shouldn\'t feel. But then I recall the reasons for those feelings. It makes me feel better. And if there are no reasons, that\'s ok too. Feelings don\'t make sense, that\'s why they\'re feelings.
I hope your dad has enough sense to not ask about the scars, and just enjoy the ride with you. For the kids, would a simple \"I got hurt there\" suffice? Maybe after that you can quickly distract with something else?
I hope this trip gives the result you originally intended, and I wish you all the best with it. xx
I was going to suggest a long-sleeved shirt also. I find what helps me since I\'m having to be around my dad\'s siblings (he has 9!) is turning the questions on them and deflecting about my life. Most people want to talk about themselves!! HUGS!!
I find it hard to get out of my pit too. But when you do it feels so good.