I survived my double shift at work. It wasn't easy. I have such a low opinion of myself these days. I continue to make mistakes and forget how to do stuff at work I feel incompetent, I'm starting to feel that I am a waste of time for my therapist and pdoc. I feel that I am a waste of their time and someone else would benefit from the time I take up when I go there. I feel like I am letting everyone down who supports me because I am not getting better. I cut myself tonight. The first time in a long time and it felt good. I know thats fucked up to say but thats the truth. There is a part of me that is also disappointed in myself for giving in to the urges to cut. Its hard to explain. I'm fucked!
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Feeling incompetent must feel awful. I\'m sorry. As far as your t and pdoc go, what do you think they would say if you shared these thoughts with them? When you can\'t hope, they can hope for you. And you can\'t control your progress - if you could, would you be in this emotional place right now? Of course not. We don\'t blame you for how you feel.
I\'m so sorry that you hurt so badly that you needed to cut. I can certainly understand feeling that desperate to feel any degree of better.
No judgment here hun. You\'re surviving, and that takes guts.
I couldn\'t even handle a single shift when I was working full-time. Give yourself some credit. But, yeah, feeling incompetent sucks.
Hand in there, Dude!
pagan, I would NOT be able to do a double shift! You are NOT incompetent...it\'s very tough to manage this illness with work...I am in your same emotional state as far as the work thing goes. It\'s so tough to figure out...I know. You are not wasting anyone\'s time...you are valued here and I\'m sure you are everywhere else too but the depression is telling you differently. (((hugs)))
Big hug for you sweetie... I am so sorry you\'re feeling so badly.... When we\'re unwell it effects so much of our lives and kudos to you for making through a double shift that isn\'t easy when you\'re on top of the world!!... It can take quite a while to get our lives under control... Did you talk to your doctor or your work about taking a sick leave... This was how I finally started to get my life back together... It was having the time and the stress taken off of me to do nothing other then focus on healing... ..If you have too many bills and too high of rent or mortgage it might be worth thinking about taking some of that stress off of yourself
I now live in a little basement apt that\'s so cute and have far, far less \'stuff\' then I once did and it\'s made zero difference in my life as far as missing anything and I\'m very content
Just some food for thought sweetie...Sending you a great big hug...xo