So, I was telling my therapist today about my day yesterday. Yesterday was a good day for me. It wasn't outstanding or great or anything like that but compared to the way Ive been feeling lately it was a good day. I told her how I finally broke down and took a shower and even shaved, two things I haven't done in a long time. I also mentioned that I did some other house chores that really needed getting done. Now, I had some energy and a bit of motivation and I took it as far as I could. After I crashed out on the couch but for me I accomplished a lot and I felt good about it. I then told her about my sleep last night and how I only got about 3hrs of sleep due to my mind racing from one topic to another at a fast pace. I even wrote down all the thoughts I was having and explained how my mind was just bouncing from one topic to the next for hours. So far today I feel a little bit better. As I was talking to her I noticed I was talking faster than usual and bouncing from one topic to another. After listening to me she tells me it sounds like I'm starting to ramp up heading towards mania. I couldn't help what I said next. I smiled and said thats great. I said Ive felt like shit for long enough don't I deserve some mania or at least hypomania for a change. After I said that she had a concerned look on her face and proceeded to tell me that we have to be careful and monitor how I'm doing because full blown mania isn't good either. I know she's right but shit I would love some good feelings for a change. Ive suffered long enough for fucks sake. Honestly though I am skeptical how long it will last. I had a good day yesterday and today didn't suck. Hope it will last for a bit.