Left work early today. I just couldn't handle it anymore. I made sure it was cool with my co-workers and they didn't mind. One of them actually pulled me aside and asked what was going on. I feel I can trust him so I just told him that the last time I felt this unstable I ended up in the hospital and Im scared it will happen again. He understood and offered to listen if I need someone to talk too. Im lucky I have such understanding co-workers but I don't know how much I would share with them. Im still embarrassed that I openly talked about self injury with him the other day. What was I thinking? My fingers hurt from cutting them last night. My anger turns to rage in a second and then I seem to lose total control. Im worried the next time I fly into a rage if there are any sharp objects around that I will do me some serious damage. Pdoc appointment tomorrow……lots to talk about. Hopefully we can find some meds that will help better or at least tweak the ones Im on. what else, what else, what else? I know I had more to talk about……maybe later.
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there is no shame in sharing with that co-worker Pagan.... you obviously had the need at that time and it sounds like he is a pretty understanding guy..... I\'m sorry you felt you had to leave early though... I hate the thought that things are cascading for you...... I hope you and your shrink can work something out tomorrow to get a handle on the anger and rage.... I really hate the fact that you are turning it in on yourself... I know you probably feel it has a hold on you know but please try and remember that somewhere deep down you do have some control left... you are still here and talking with us and being aware and coherent... you haven\'t lost that sense of yourself.. I just wish I could help more
make sure any wounds are washed and cleaned well and if you can please talk with us when you can feel any urges coming on xx
Best wishes for your appt tomorrow. I hope its good.
Ladies..all I can think to say right now is thank you for being there for me