I just realized something this morning while I was lying awake trying to sleep with my mind running all over the place. Ive been trying so hard not to cut, one of the things thats been helping me is I have a scab on my leg(not from SI) and I keep picking it to make it bleed and to make it hurt. Ive been doing this for about a week now and I just realize that Im trying to prevent self harm by self harming! What a fucking idiot I am. Ive gone about 6 months cut free which is good but Im still self harming anyway…not to mention the urges to cut get stronger every day. So, because Im already self harming is it ok to cut? Look at me trying to justify such a destructive behavior. I guess it just shows how unwell I really am.
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self harm has many outlets Pagan... and you are doing remarkably well being 6 months cut free.. again I say kudos to you.. keep fighting those damn urges
I don\'t think you are a fucking idiot just someone in pain trying to do the best you can... please don\'t keep beating yourself up x
As always Ruby thanks for the support and for saying Im not a fucking idiot. I am very hard on myself and everybody tells me so. I should start listening more . Maybe someday I\'ll believe it.
A fucking idiot you are not!! So you\'re picking at a scab, everyone does that. I\'m not trying to minimize what you\'re feeling, but in this case you\'re normal. I also think that esp those of us who self-harm are very hard on ourselves, and we are also very good at justifying destructive behavior. So you\'re picking a scab? At least you\'re not cutting. Pay attention to it, and try not to, but don\'t beat yourself up about it.
You are not an idiot! How clever of you to pick at the scab, self harm that will keep trying to heal itself. I hope you are able to leave it alone soon so it will heal properly. Your poor skin, it keeps trying to heal for you. I do understand the need to hurt yourself though. I don\'t know much about self harm as I\'ve only done it a couple of times but is there a way you can hurt yourself a little bit that doesn\'t involve blood and scars? Its good that you are journalling to help get the racing thoughts and feelings out of you and onto the page. I hope you find ways to distract yourself soon. You are a worthwhile person. Hugs.