Life =/

Still not feeling greaaaaaat =/ I don't really know whats wrong with me. Like tonight Dave kept going on at me asking me to go out and do something. But to be honest all I want to do is stay in on my own. I was really pissed off today at work. Got the blame of something that I did not do and I tried to explain but what fucking pointless as the person just would not listen. Ack.  Daniel I'm so lucky to have met you! Well, not physically.. yet... but You really do keep a smile on my face, talking to you right now on MSN :) thank you for everything :) for being there and helping me see the good in life even when I was going through hell and just could not see a way out. I'm so greatful for everything and really hope we get to meet up one day very soon :) *huggles* Its shit. I have good things going for me but I still feel crap. I feel utter shit because my best mate who I've known for years well, I now know the true reason she doesn't want to see me anymore. We used to go on many nights out into the town but I got really drunk and ever since Kenny passing things got shit, I'd get really upset and start crying and talking shite and just going on and on like that for ages and ages every single time I'd get drunk was the same, and I don't blame her for wanting rid of me for that but sometimes all I needed was my friend to be there for me, but she was never there. Maybe she did care deep down, but just didn't know what to do. I was really stupid for the things I've said and done in the past and I truly regret them but I cant take them back. I try to make things better, I try to make the effort, I've tried for ages, I'm not getting anywhere. Its obvious she doesn't even want to be my friend anymore. I miss you. You were a really good friend. Its my fault its all gone now forever. I wish I hadn't acted like such an idiot. Wish I could take the shit back :( God my lifes a mess really =/ I have a shit job, gettin accused of shit I did not do, and I'm losing my friends. But I have my family and I have people like Dave a friend who's stuck by me through everything, but sometimes he just gets on at me too much and even that gets too much and somethings you say hurt me you don't even know it.