Feel so sick, "the painter and decorator" is here aka woman problems. GRRRRRRR. In so much pain. But on top of that I just keep thinking about Kenny :( this is the first christmas without him. And I know it has been a good couple of years ago that we were together, but at least we did keep in touch back then. I wish he'd never met that stupid girl. She was a jealous bitch. Totally controlling, never letting him even speak to me! He had to hide behind her back just to send me a text and made sure he deleted it from his phone and any of my replies, just incase she saw it. The time in Glasgow that always sticks out in my mind was at the HIM gig, (last year, I think :S) Kenny was going to come with me and a few other friends but instead he decided to give his ticket up, I can't even remember why, but my other friend got it in his place. He was with his gf and they just stood and kissed right infront of me. He said the next day that he was so so sorry that he didn't know I was there. =/ I felt so ill, so sick, so fucking hurt, but I forgive him, I don't hold it against him, after all she was his gf. Just the point of doing that right infront of me.I just despise this girl so fucking much. She only knew him through me, if it wasn't for us going to that gig she'd never have even met him. And its my fault for giving him up :( if I hadn't been so scared of a serious relationship then I believe we'd still be together. What I hate so much about this girl is that she had the check to send me a bebo message and here it is, the exact wording... "you have no right to say you loved Kenny so much..you didnt kno him AT ALL..not the way i did..I understand your upset..we all are..but you wud NEVER EVER love Kenny the way i did..hes was my heart an sole.."I cannot believe she said that. I felt bad enough as it was. I know everyone was going through a really terrible time, and still are but she knows NOTHING of how I felt. I had never really disliked her before. I try my best to get on with everyone and be decent. I think it was just when she started seeing Kenny that she turned hostile toward me and just totally didn't want me seeing Kenny ever again. Well she got her fucking wish. I'm going to go now. Just feel so crap. dont even know why the fuk i bothered typing all this up. Just feel so crappy =/ just can't get that stupid fuck out of my head for what she said to me. Upset or not, that was totally low.