Anxious

In two and a half hours I will be sitting in a restaurant with him, with his wife and with my husband and son. I thought I could do this but I feel myself balking, I mentally feel myself walking backwards away from the situation. When I consider how many situations I have avoided in the past 10 years, how many fun things I have canceled, it is easy to imagine myself canceling this fully.
But I said I would face the dragon. So I will. He will be at the wedding in 2 months and it will be even harder if I don't do this first.
I am writing this because of what I can't say to others. My husband has been so supportive and we don't even have a good marriage but lately we talk more and I know he has my back and made sure he would be off work to take me today. 
I am not angry at my father. I don't hate him. I know I forgave him long ago. But I feel sick. I know I will feel revulsion just looking at his face. Watching him eat. Sitting that close.
And her. After my mother died and they married, I felt such a betrayal because she was my mother's friend, she was my friend, and she knew he hurt me.
Does that mean she did not believe me? Or was it just fine for her to marry a perverted sick guy. Maybe he told her I made things up.
That would explain a lot.
 I know I need prayer to get through this. I don't want to drink or take a pill. I want to face him sober. But I am really afraid right now.