Yesterday was a little better than the day before. I think because I am talking about it again. Even though I don't talk about the problem offline, it is cathartic when I admit I have a problem here, because it helps me want to succeed. What I felt the worst about was the other day when I was talking up the porn to an online friend to bring him into it. I didn't think of it as using him but I know I can tease sometimes. I'm so used to teasing, I probably sometimes do it like breathing. I enjoy men and it's hard to be 'normal', I can't help but come back to that word. But I know what's in my head, and it goes beyond flirting. Like having to get every man's attention in a room. It worries me that I feel this way.